BREAKFAST FOR DINNER
by Ryan Staples
Staples reflects on parenthood, family, and growing up in the 1990s.
The book’s opening essay, “Breakfast for Dinner,” sets the tone for the rest of the work with its blend of childhood trauma, comedic storytelling, and poignant reflections. The essay opens with the inaugural family dinner in Staples’ new home. In attendance with his wife and in-laws was the author’s mother, who (with “the calm of an air traffic controller”) told the story of how she deliberately killed her son’s childhood cat. As readers discover after piecing together details from this and a dozen other essays, Staples no longer has a relationship with his mother (“my life is a lot better without her in it,” he asserts). Though he hasn’t spoken to her in years, she plays a central role throughout the book. Born in the 1960s, she’s described as someone who carries “an air of perpetual discontent”; every event “somehow turns into proof of [her] own suffering.” Per the author, this behavior made for a childhood characterized by uncertainty and a lack of stability. Staples writes that his mother could not hold down a job and that her relationship with his father was in constant flux. “The reconciling, separating again, semi-reconciling, and eventual divorce,” he writes, “did far more damage to me psychologically than if they’d made a clean break the first go-round.” While not shying away from the trauma associated with his tumultuous upbringing (“During those years, dinner was always a toss-up,” he notes), the author highlights the humorous aspects of his childhood. Particularly hilarious is his account of his sexual education: His mother simply tossed him a book about sex (“You do the legwork!”), while his father—who ran a landscaping business during the day and loaded UPS trucks at night—asked if he had ever seen a Penthouse magazine. Staples’ affirmative reply was apparently sufficient, since his dad ended the conversation there, “checking another box in his brain.”
Telling a quintessentially millennial coming-of-age story, the memoir effectively captures the ethos of 1990s adolescence as Staples describes early exposure to the internet, school-wide anti-drug campaigns featuring law enforcement rants about the perils of drugs, and a scheme to score free soundtracks from Beavis and Butt-Head Do America and Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls from the Columbia House catalog. These humorous anecdotes help to balance the more serious commentary on parenthood as the essays lead to a conclusion that focuses on Staples’ own children, Tommy and Emma, and his quest to provide them with the stability, protection, and guidance that his childhood often lacked. “Parenting isn’t about getting it right all the time,” the author touchingly writes. “It’s about showing up. It’s about enduring.” A profoundly vulnerable memoir, the work acknowledges childhood pain without wallowing in it. The intimate text is complemented by the family photographs and original illustrations, created by Staples and his son with crayons and magazine cutouts, that introduce each chapter. A writer and comedian who’s performed at venues throughout his home state of Massachusetts, Staples is a gifted storyteller who can make any tale—from the mundane to the ridiculous—both poignant and comical.A coming-of-age memoir about divorce and family that balances side-splitting stories with touching reflections.