Figures of speech can be as effective a pussy cat in the canary cage if not overdone; but Scott Burns is on a hyperbolic binge. A critic of the American economic system, Burns believes that ""We are Nowhere Men, ninety-seven-pound weaklings humiliated on the Beach of Life""; he would naturally like to ""change the beach"" but in the meanwhile ""The game we play, Musical Chairs of Achievement, is the only game in town."" Therefore he's written this self-help book, addressed to middle-class readers with incomes of over $9000 (the national mean), to explain the conundrums of the family's ""Leaky Bathtub"" (unfavorable liquidity flow), why ""the deck is stacked"" in favor of the rich (""'No tickee no shirtee' describes the condition of most Americans perfectly""), and how you might improve your financial position in the area of such liquid investments as houses, insurance, stocks, and cars. Some of his advice is sound -- drop ordinary life insurance and buy term (but beware the salesman's oil for ""underneath that soft, hibachi-guarding, family-loving exterior there is a superhuman evaluator, a Mensch with Saichel""); some is questionable -- for best results from the stock market, hire an investment counselor (for a contrary opinion, see Brutus, p. 1233, and Bloom, above). And when discussing real estate Burns opines that ""There are many ways to seek the Soul of Man. Looking through his anus is not among the best"" -- one is tempted to tell him where this book really belongs.