THE DIRT SANDWICH

Appropriate title. . . for another slimy confection from the author of The Rag Dolls and such, this one centering on outrageous but mostly tedious Bonnie Goodrich: a fat, vulgar, nobody-loves-me, sex-hungry restaurateur modeled, at least superficially, on Elaine Kaufman of celebrity hangout ""Elaine's."" Bonnie's tale of sex and food is told in alternating sections (by Bonnie herself and by best friend Edie)--a device which promises Rashomon but actually merely pads out a sleazily one-dimensional story. While pretty, prim young Edie lands husband Art and a Bloomingdale's lifestyle, Bonnie is a Greenwich Village mess: she works in advertising, sleeps around, gets pregnant, sells her baby, eats, tries to do a nightclub act, eats--and, when her gorgeous manager Barry teams up with her good-looking sister Sandie to steal her kooky act, angry Bonnie takes a black-actor lover (he compliments her, ""Anyone ever tell you you fuck like a nigger?""), tries the West Coast, and returns to N.Y. thinner and ready to open a unique restaurant. Fine--but Edie's hubby Art is one of the backers, and so rapacious Bonnie gets a chance to Seduce him, and Edie Finds Out. Meanwhile, Sandie is now a draggy L.A. superstar having a breakdown (Bonnie pays a therapeutic visit, having sex with Barry in the same bed where Sandie is sleeping); Barry barters his body to a homosexual star; and Bonnie's ugly roommate Brenda gets total plastic surgery and TV fame only to find that her high-school sweetheart wants her back the way she was. And so on--climaxing with the goings-on at the opening of Bonnie's new Riviera hotel: Bonnie pimps for a Jackie O. type, fixing her up with that black ex-lover (now a TV star); Sandie shows up with a lesbian lover and does a leather/dildo act; and Bonnie finally finds pure sex bliss. . . with Edie and Art's 18-year-old son. Unlikable people, unlikely happenings--a talky, unpleasant, and unconvincing porn-and-glitter sandwich for dirt mavens only.