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WE LOST OUR BABY

ONE COUPLE’S STORY OF MISCARRIAGE AND ITS AFTERMATH

A balm for any whose lives have been touched by miscarriage.

A frank, touching joint memoir.

Twelve weeks and three days into a second pregnancy, the Irish authors were faced with the brutal finality of miscarriage. This slim yet illuminating volume records their struggle to cope with it. In the wake of such an intimate tragedy, O’Neill-White writes in the introduction, she searched the shelves for books on the topic to see if her feelings of profound loss were “normal,” but discovered only one statistically based study that failed to address the variety of horrors she and her husband were experiencing—the reason, she explains, why they decided to tell their story. Their alternating narrations spare no detail in recounting the physical and emotional duress endured, from the paralyzing discovery of a first drop of blood and the doctor’s callous pronouncement that miscarriage was imminent, to the painful, gory delivery that followed and its aftermath. In the most gripping passage, O’Neill-White describes the horrible juxtaposition that followed her arrival at the emergency ward of a maternity hospital, where she tried not to wail over her soon-to-be miscarried fetus so as not to disturb the women in labor around her. To compound the couple’s distress, at the moment when each needed the other most, White was barred from attending to his wife—husbands were only allowed in the ER if a baby was “actually being born.” Along with its openness, this account excels in providing the perspectives of both partners. Each, at times, serves as witness to and participant in the other’s grief, and their separate recollections of the same event underscore both the magnitude of its effect on their relationship and the vital importance of communication when coping with loss.

A balm for any whose lives have been touched by miscarriage.

Pub Date: Dec. 3, 2007

ISBN: 978-1-905785-20-9

Page Count: 136

Publisher: Dufour

Review Posted Online: May 19, 2010

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Oct. 15, 2007

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BRAVE ENOUGH

These platitudes need perspective; better to buy the books they came from.

A lightweight collection of self-help snippets from the bestselling author.

What makes a quote a quote? Does it have to be quoted by someone other than the original author? Apparently not, if we take Strayed’s collection of truisms as an example. The well-known memoirist (Wild), novelist (Torch), and radio-show host (“Dear Sugar”) pulls lines from her previous pages and delivers them one at a time in this small, gift-sized book. No excerpt exceeds one page in length, and some are only one line long. Strayed doesn’t reference the books she’s drawing from, so the quotes stand without context and are strung together without apparent attention to structure or narrative flow. Thus, we move back and forth from first-person tales from the Pacific Crest Trail to conversational tidbits to meditations on grief. Some are astoundingly simple, such as Strayed’s declaration that “Love is the feeling we have for those we care deeply about and hold in high regard.” Others call on the author’s unique observations—people who regret what they haven’t done, she writes, end up “mingy, addled, shrink-wrapped versions” of themselves—and offer a reward for wading through obvious advice like “Trust your gut.” Other quotes sound familiar—not necessarily because you’ve read Strayed’s other work, but likely due to the influence of other authors on her writing. When she writes about blooming into your own authenticity, for instance, one is immediately reminded of Anaïs Nin: "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” Strayed’s true blossoming happens in her longer works; while this collection might brighten someone’s day—and is sure to sell plenty of copies during the holidays—it’s no substitute for the real thing.

These platitudes need perspective; better to buy the books they came from.

Pub Date: Nov. 1, 2015

ISBN: 978-1-101-946909

Page Count: 160

Publisher: Knopf

Review Posted Online: Aug. 15, 2015

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Sept. 1, 2015

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MASTERY

Readers unfamiliar with the anecdotal material Greene presents may find interesting avenues to pursue, but they should...

Greene (The 33 Strategies of War, 2007, etc.) believes that genius can be learned if we pay attention and reject social conformity.

The author suggests that our emergence as a species with stereoscopic, frontal vision and sophisticated hand-eye coordination gave us an advantage over earlier humans and primates because it allowed us to contemplate a situation and ponder alternatives for action. This, along with the advantages conferred by mirror neurons, which allow us to intuit what others may be thinking, contributed to our ability to learn, pass on inventions to future generations and improve our problem-solving ability. Throughout most of human history, we were hunter-gatherers, and our brains are engineered accordingly. The author has a jaundiced view of our modern technological society, which, he writes, encourages quick, rash judgments. We fail to spend the time needed to develop thorough mastery of a subject. Greene writes that every human is “born unique,” with specific potential that we can develop if we listen to our inner voice. He offers many interesting but tendentious examples to illustrate his theory, including Einstein, Darwin, Mozart and Temple Grandin. In the case of Darwin, Greene ignores the formative intellectual influences that shaped his thought, including the discovery of geological evolution with which he was familiar before his famous voyage. The author uses Grandin's struggle to overcome autistic social handicaps as a model for the necessity for everyone to create a deceptive social mask.

Readers unfamiliar with the anecdotal material Greene presents may find interesting avenues to pursue, but they should beware of the author's quirky, sometimes misleading brush-stroke characterizations.

Pub Date: Nov. 13, 2012

ISBN: 978-0-670-02496-4

Page Count: 320

Publisher: Viking

Review Posted Online: Sept. 12, 2012

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Oct. 1, 2012

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