COLD FEET: Why Men Don't Commit by Sonya & Marlin S. Potash Rhodes

COLD FEET: Why Men Don't Commit

Email this review


Based on the caseloads of the authors (both N.Y.C. clinicians specializing ill couples therapy), this reads like any number of books out now about why relationships aren't working--as it offers advice to women about what goes on in men's heads as relationships careen toward intimacy. Rhodes and Potash divide 80's men into three categories (the ""Good Enough Guy""--the best women can hope for these days; the ""Good Guy Today/Gone Tomorrow"" type a new breed no longer required by society lo marry the object of his conflicted affections; and the ""Good for Nothing Guy""--avoid him at all costs), and discuss the five levels of commitment in any relationship (Dating, Steady Dating, Monogamy, Monogamy Plus. and Living Together). They warn that men don't move through the various levels as quickly as women do, and offer time limits by which women can ""pin down exactly where your relationship is."" Acknowledging that relationships are out of kilter--women have caught up with men in autonomy, but men are beginners at intimacy--and that women, though not men, have moved beyond the sexual revolution to the relationship revolution, the authors nonetheless insist that women take only slightly more than 50% of the responsibility for relationships and that they get men to ""learn to meet you halfway."" A pull-out section ""for men only"" offers a glimpse of how men view relationships and explains why their notion of the ""perfect woman"" is a trap. Not nearly radical enough to stem the tide of shaky relationships and divorce, but this will offer some simplistic comfort to women who are contused and need support.

Pub Date: April 19th, 1988
Publisher: Dutton