HEART WIDE OPEN

Sanderson offers a guide to understanding the psychological harm of narcissism.

Thousands of years ago, as the Greek myth goes, the ethereally handsome Narcissus gazed at his reflection in a pool of water and was doomed to think only of himself. Narcissism, whose name was inspired by the story, is a quantifiable personality disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, and the focus of Sanderson’s 20 years of work and research as a psychotherapist. Her approach in this guide, intended to aid the healing of those who’ve suffered due to narcissists’ actions, has a “holistic” slant; by this, the author means that conditions like narcissism, depression, or anxiety involve experiences that go beyond a binary of “broken” and “fixed”: “Clients identify with their illness and not their lives, saying things like ‘my depression’ or ‘my anxiety’ rather than recognizing the full spectrum of their emotions and experiences,” she writes. Very few people are diagnosed with narcissism, but many people demonstrate its traits, the author asserts. Sanderson effectively outlines which traits constitute symptoms of narcissism and how they affect others, as well as how they correlate with concepts such as codependent control, trauma, compassionate detachment, and boundary setting. The book also contains activities and journal prompts, with questions about identifying “narcissistic wounding.” The exercises use two primary frameworks: the Attachment Blueprint for understanding and evaluating how one copes with trauma, and the Authenticity Blueprint for healing from grief. Readers will likely find these to be familiar concepts, but Sanderson’s method of grounding mental health in experience, rather than identity, is a refreshing approach.

A nuanced and accessible manual for assessing and transcending traumatic relationships.