DIVORCE: IT'S ALL ABOUT CONTROL

A family-law specialist reveals the key factors to surviving divorce with sanity and dignity intact.

Through her many years as a divorce lawyer, Phillips has learned that the one issue that pervades and fuels all aspects of divorce dramas is control. Here, she demonstrates how to identify one’s control status in terms of six key issues: money/property/wealth, children, health, loss of love/intimacy, personal and professional growth, and fear. Using short questionnaires throughout the book, she helps readers confront the areas in which they may be out of control, offers advice on how to regain control in a healthy way and shares concrete reasons why it’s so important to do so. She then examines the three types of wars that take place in the course of a divorce proceeding–emotional, psychological and legal–and offers insight on what to expect, what’s at stake and how to handle each war. Phillips also addresses the internal battles that can affect one’s sense of control–overworking, neglecting physical health and outer appearance, overspending, etc. Despite the somewhat combative title, the book is actually about avoiding unnecessary battles–lashing out, or trying to exact revenge, is counterproductive, and a sure sign of a lack of control. Instead, Phillips advises readers on how to confront their internal and external control issues head-on through simple, direct questions, and shows how maintaining a healthy sense of control is crucial to getting through a divorce with minimal damage emotionally, psychologically and financially–especially when children are involved. Though the author tends toward repetition, her counsel is sound and her techniques practical. Having witnessed first-hand the perils of the divorce process, she offers her insight and advice without judgment, and she illustrates her points with darkly amusing scenes from the divorce wars.

A helpful guide through the trenches of divorce.