Relationship Dynamics

A life coach shares his insights about having healthy relationships and morphing into a truly responsible adult in this debut self-development guide.  

In this first installment of an intended series, DeSalvo seeks to help others in achieving strong relationships and realizing that “reaching the age of adulthood as an adult is different from reaching the stage of maturity I term Adult with a capital ‘A.’ ” He begins by emphasizing the importance of self-love, then delves into what he terms the 10 elements of a vigorous relationship—trust, communication, honesty, reciprocity, time, compromise, shared values, shared interests, respect, and support—and dedicates a chapter to each of these qualities. Critical to relationship dynamics is identifying and getting out of “The Drama Triangle,” and refusing to engage with others in the roles of Victim, Persecutor, and/or Rescuer. Instead, readers should set beneficial boundaries and strive to align behavior within the “Healthy Triangle,” aiming to be Decisive (including direct, not passive-aggressive, in one’s communications), Empathetic, and/or Vulnerable. DeSalvo also cautions against exercising judgmentalism and making assumptions, and outlines six keys to effective conflict resolution—to show up (including discussing the issue in person), be willing, take responsibility, listen, clarify the conflict, and find agreement. He ends with a plea that today’s volatile world needs more people to progress in this fashion, so that “we all do our part to make human evolution a conscious affair, one in which each of us takes responsibility for living together in harmony and peace.” DeSalvo, a writer, publisher, speaker, and life coach who has studied classical music and art as well as worked for Microsoft, maps out a clear, no-excuses primer on how to become a more conscious, evolved human being. He offers a wealth of nitty-gritty tips on how to successfully execute his concepts, including respecting others’ privacy and responding graciously to social invitations. Because the author mentions that he is drawing on and distilling his own life experiences in this book, one wishes he had included some personal anecdotes. But overall, he offers an accessible, encouraging self-development playbook.

Practical, actionable advice on how to become a happier, more fully realized grown-up.