MEN WHO HATE WOMEN AND THE WOMEN WHO LOVE THEM

by Susan & Joan Torres Forward ‧ RELEASE DATE: Sept. 1, 1986

Verbally abusive husbands and wives that tolerate them: how both partners got that way; what happens to the victimized women; and what they can do about it. Via case histories, Forward (Betrayal of Innocence) describes marriages in which the husband swings between the roles of a charming, loving helpmate and abusive bully, prone to verbal putdowns and dominating behavior. Forward, who was once married to such a Jekyll-Hyde type, ultimately decided that he and others like him were actually misogynists. Their problems, she says, trace back to a skewed relationship between their parents, which prevents the son from identifying with the father. Underneath their macho, frequently charming facade, lurks a frightened little boy, full of rage against the all-powerful mother. Yet such men also seek a female partner to serve as an all-sacrificing, loving and comforting surrogate maternal presence. The wives have been brought up to be submissive, and blame themselves for their husband's often intolerable behavior. In the book's second half, Forward lays out a step-by-step treatment she has provided several female patients. This section serves as a self-help guide by which victimized women can learn to reassert themselves and deflect their male partners from destructive behavior. Forward admits, however, that this is best done with the help of a therapist. When a woman stops kowtowing, the man's rages frequently escalate; he may even become physically abusive (""leave him immediately,"" says Forward, if this happens). Change for such men is hard; and four of the seven wives, whose treatment she describes, ultimately opted for divorce. Forward's description of these horrific marriages is eye-opening, her analysis of the people locked into them persuasive, and her detailed regimen for correcting the situation makes considerable sense. She eschews padding and platitudes while shedding considerable light on a dark side of male-female relationships.

Pub Date: Sept. 1, 1986

ISBN: N/A

Page Count: -

Publisher: Bantam

Review Posted Online: N/A

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Aug. 15, 1986

Categories: NONFICTION