WALKING ON AIR

A guide focuses on coping with the pain, loss, and unpredictability of life.

The ultimate impetus for this manual, Powers writes, was the death of her second husband, Bob, in 2001 (also the touchstone of her 2015 book, Ruthless Grieving) and the insights it gave her into the transformative potential of life’s dark side, what she refers to as “walking on air.” “It’s not that we embrace loss (and certainly not initially), but we can learn to live with loss and uncertainty and be willing to let it help us cut through to the essence of who we are and of being alive in this day,” she writes. “Knowing that I’m walking on air guides me into living in the moment because I know more and more that this moment is all I have.” In these pages, the author draws on her experience as a therapist to derive a series of lessons for her readers on a wide variety of subjects, from her “recovery” from many kinds of codependency to dealing with other people. “I still find it paradoxical that we only help people change by accepting how they are,” she concedes at one point. “Even as a therapist, that dynamic is true.” In well-designed chapters, Powers seeks to help her readers achieve what she refers to as “full-spectrum living,” a practice of accepting the highs and lows without becoming either continuously morose or glib. In pursuit of this goal, she includes not only many of her own experiences, but also numerous exercises, from role-playing to journaling, that can help.

This decision on the author’s part to weave her personal story (opting for tubal ligation, going through a divorce, and, of course, experiencing grief) throughout the book is a wise one. It enhances the valuable impression that the tips in these chapters are hard-won and therefore practical and trustworthy. And the appeal of much of that advice is its simplicity. Powers frequently reminds her readers of the basics of healthy living—like the importance of making new friends. “I know people in their sixties and seventies who have lost friends to illness or death, yet they don’t think about making new ones,” she writes at one point. “ ‘All my friends have died’ is a sad and sometimes closed-off attitude.” Powers grew up Roman Catholic but has now adopted an eclectic, nondenominational spirituality (“I’m not looking to start a religion here but to empower each of you to create your own, unique spiritual path”). This, too, ends up adding a very inviting tone to her book since many readers going through the kinds of troubles she describes here will be groping for possible spiritual answers. The focus is always on adaptability and practicality: Readers are warmly encouraged to try out many combinations of approaches in order to find the ones that work. As Powers winningly writes, if one of her ideas doesn’t resonate, simply stow it away and move on to the next one. Readers in crisis are bound to find some useful advice here.

A highly personal, helpful, and affecting call to learn from life’s hardships.