Those whose relationship problems involve conflict or the unwillingness to accept change will find Kiev to the point on both issues. The ""capacity to love,"" as he sees it, contains rive elements: a capacity to balance individuality (autonomy) and togetherness (mutuality); to change over time; to escape the past; to express feelings; and to listen. As regards escaping the past, for instance, Kiev explores role modeling in the family of origin, birth-order profiles, and other game-systems that limit and inhibit current relationships. He also introduces a system of ""metacommunication"" whereby readers analyze not simply the content of what's expressed, but also the undercurrent of feeling. And he suggests some practical strategies for ""harnessing"" conflict: regular, scheduled sessions for airing grievances; delaying your reaction when you're about to boil over; ""reframing"" the problem more positively; etc. Kiev (Active Loving, The Courage to Live) is presenting nothing particularly new here; we all know that both too much independence and too much dependence can plague a relationship. But the book is spare and straightforward--with a welcome minimum of hogwash.