THE PARENTING BACKPACK

A study of different parenting styles, obstacles, and goals.

In this overview of parenting, Garlick describes four main styles. An authoritarian parent “uses force when setting their expectations.” The permissive parent is “not demanding, rarely enforce[s] rules, and often use[s] bribery as a form of discipline.” Neglectful parents are “completely checked out from parenting” (“They give little to no supervision, warmth, or love, and they expect little from their children”). And finally, authoritative parents are described here as the ideal combination of all the other three: They are flexible but not formless, and they dole out consequences rather than dictatorial pronouncements. Garlick wisely stresses that the model here is more like a stew than a quadratic equation: On some days, a parent will draw more heavily on the permissive model; on other days, that same parent, weighed down with problems of their own, might be more neglectful. Employing the motif of a backpack that each parent can choose to fill with various kinds of metaphorical rocks representing parenting anxieties, Garlick explores a series of common-sense questions: When and why do some parents shift from one style to another? Does it depend on mood? Does one parent’s style sometimes conflict with the style of another in the household? The author engagingly interlaces guidance with snippets drawn from her own life; her personal anecdotes give readers an array of real-world examples of the challenges they’ll face as well as some practical approaches to those challenges. For example, allow an “escalated” child to vent their energy, like ripping up old newspapers or screaming into a pillow. Garlick covers all this and much more in fast-paced, clearly written, and well-illustrated chapters.

A cleareyed, compassionate blueprint for parents of all styles to improve their game.