JUST GIVE ME YOUR LAST NAME

A debut motivational work encourages single women to love themselves first.

Olaniyan used to feel bad about being single. Part of this attitude came from other people. The author recounts one particular Thanksgiving when her aunt and uncle told her that there must be something wrong with her since she hadn’t found a husband yet. “My single life was miserable,” recalls Olaniyan. “When I got tired of this misery, I had to be deliberate about finding the root cause of my situation. You can bet I found it: perspective. Perspective was my miracle, not finding a man.” With this book, the author sheds light on achieving a healthy mindset during singledom. The most important tip for singletons is that they should get to know themselves rather than waiting for someone else to come around and provide them with an identity. She cautions women to think about what married life really entails—and whether they are even ready for it—while encouraging them not to settle for unworthy partners. The whole point is that, in order to find Mr. Right, you must first turn yourself into Ms. Right: be the woman whom you want to be and whom the man you want would be excited to meet. The author believes that it is God who ultimately connects people and that women must have faith that he will lead them to their perfect mates. She also discusses dating strategies and ultimately reveals the story of how she found her own Mr. Right. Olaniyan’s prose is cheerful and easygoing, if not always completely smooth: “Your life is like a house. How can you show people around a house you are not familiar with? When people come into your life, it is your responsibility to show them around, educate them on what the house really stands for, and keep them out of rooms where they shouldn’t be.” Her advice will likely strike some as overly traditional. It is rooted in Christianity and the Bible (the word “helpmeet” appears twice), and the goal is to eventually find a husband, not to stay single forever. But for those with a similar worldview and aim, the author’s positivity will likely assuage any doubts.

A chatty guide to surviving the single life from a traditional, marriage-oriented perspective.