Useful guidance for breaking out of unhealthy patterns and learning how to have a mature, fulfilling love life.

LEARN TO LOVE

GUIDE TO HEALING YOUR DISAPPOINTING LOVE LIFE

A psychologist explains how to stop repeating relationship mistakes.

Many people, Jordan writes, feel trapped in a cycle of disappointing or dysfunctional relationships because they keep running into the same problems. The author, a clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst who previously wrote Healthy Love Relationships (2014), wanted to get to the bottom of what causes such repetitive, often destructive behaviors and to identify ways to change them. In this slim volume, he argues that people absorb lessons about love—sometimes consciously but usually unconsciously—from those that are close to them, going back to childhood. Therefore, learning to love in a healthy way begins with reflecting on past experiences and identifying what one learned from them. The experience of being abandoned, for example, may cause one to either abandon others or seek out familiar relationships in which one is likely to be abandoned again. Once a person realizes what lessons they’ve internalized, they can begin to understand negative patterns and avoid them in the future. Ultimately, he writes, this method is about “owning your own love life.” Jordan’s ideas, as laid out over the course of this book, are hardly revolutionary, but his clearly written work may still be illuminating for readers who can’t figure out how to break unhelpful cycles. In addition, Jordan’s approach is appealingly judgment-free in tone, as he aims to help both those who’ve been hurt as well as those who may have done the hurting. Throughout, his emphasis is on looking forward and not castigating oneself for previous mistakes. A chapter in which the author opens up about his own love life is particularly helpful in showing how his process works.

Useful guidance for breaking out of unhealthy patterns and learning how to have a mature, fulfilling love life.

Pub Date: Dec. 16, 2019

ISBN: 978-1-5439-8787-4

Page Count: 132

Publisher: BookBaby

Review Posted Online: April 29, 2020

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A conversational, pleasurable look into McConaughey’s life and thought.

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GREENLIGHTS

All right, all right, all right: The affable, laconic actor delivers a combination of memoir and self-help book.

“This is an approach book,” writes McConaughey, adding that it contains “philosophies that can be objectively understood, and if you choose, subjectively adopted, by either changing your reality, or changing how you see it. This is a playbook, based on adventures in my life.” Some of those philosophies come in the form of apothegms: “When you can design your own weather, blow in the breeze”; “Simplify, focus, conserve to liberate.” Others come in the form of sometimes rambling stories that never take the shortest route from point A to point B, as when he recounts a dream-spurred, challenging visit to the Malian musician Ali Farka Touré, who offered a significant lesson in how disagreement can be expressed politely and without rancor. Fans of McConaughey will enjoy his memories—which line up squarely with other accounts in Melissa Maerz’s recent oral history, Alright, Alright, Alright—of his debut in Richard Linklater’s Dazed and Confused, to which he contributed not just that signature phrase, but also a kind of too-cool-for-school hipness that dissolves a bit upon realizing that he’s an older guy on the prowl for teenage girls. McConaughey’s prep to settle into the role of Wooderson involved inhabiting the mind of a dude who digs cars, rock ’n’ roll, and “chicks,” and he ran with it, reminding readers that the film originally had only three scripted scenes for his character. The lesson: “Do one thing well, then another. Once, then once more.” It’s clear that the author is a thoughtful man, even an intellectual of sorts, though without the earnestness of Ethan Hawke or James Franco. Though some of the sentiments are greeting card–ish, this book is entertaining and full of good lessons.

A conversational, pleasurable look into McConaughey’s life and thought.

Pub Date: Oct. 20, 2020

ISBN: 978-0-593-13913-4

Page Count: 304

Publisher: Crown

Review Posted Online: Oct. 27, 2020

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Dec. 1, 2020

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A sweet-and-sour set of pieces on loss, absurdity, and places they intersect.

HAPPY-GO-LUCKY

Sedaris remains stubbornly irreverent even in the face of pandemic lockdowns and social upheaval.

In his previous collection of original essays, Calypso (2018), the author was unusually downbeat, fixated on aging and the deaths of his mother and sister. There’s bad news in this book, too—most notably, the death of his problematic and seemingly indestructible father at 96—but Sedaris generally carries himself more lightly. On a trip to a gun range, he’s puzzled by boxer shorts with a holster feature, which he wishes were called “gunderpants.” He plays along with nursing-home staffers who, hearing a funnyman named David is on the premises, think he’s Dave Chappelle. He’s bemused by his sister Amy’s landing a new apartment to escape her territorial pet rabbit. On tour, he collects sheaves of off-color jokes and tales of sexual self-gratification gone wrong. His relationship with his partner, Hugh, remains contentious, but it’s mellowing. (“After thirty years, sleeping is the new having sex.”) Even more serious stuff rolls off him. Of Covid-19, he writes that “more than eight hundred thousand people have died to date, and I didn’t get to choose a one of them.” The author’s support of Black Lives Matter is tempered by his interest in the earnest conscientiousness of organizers ensuring everyone is fed and hydrated. (He refers to one such person as a “snacktivist.”) Such impolitic material, though, puts serious essays in sharper, more powerful relief. He recalls fending off the flirtations of a 12-year-old boy in France, frustrated by the language barrier and other factors that kept him from supporting a young gay man. His father’s death unlocks a crushing piece about dad’s inappropriate, sexualizing treatment of his children. For years—chronicled in many books—Sedaris labored to elude his father’s criticism. Even in death, though, it proves hard to escape or laugh off.

A sweet-and-sour set of pieces on loss, absurdity, and places they intersect.

Pub Date: May 31, 2022

ISBN: 978-0-316-39245-7

Page Count: 272

Publisher: Little, Brown

Review Posted Online: March 11, 2022

Kirkus Reviews Issue: April 1, 2022

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