Useful guidance for breaking out of unhealthy patterns and learning how to have a mature, fulfilling love life.

LEARN TO LOVE

GUIDE TO HEALING YOUR DISAPPOINTING LOVE LIFE

A psychologist explains how to stop repeating relationship mistakes.

Many people, Jordan writes, feel trapped in a cycle of disappointing or dysfunctional relationships because they keep running into the same problems. The author, a clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst who previously wrote Healthy Love Relationships (2014), wanted to get to the bottom of what causes such repetitive, often destructive behaviors and to identify ways to change them. In this slim volume, he argues that people absorb lessons about love—sometimes consciously but usually unconsciously—from those that are close to them, going back to childhood. Therefore, learning to love in a healthy way begins with reflecting on past experiences and identifying what one learned from them. The experience of being abandoned, for example, may cause one to either abandon others or seek out familiar relationships in which one is likely to be abandoned again. Once a person realizes what lessons they’ve internalized, they can begin to understand negative patterns and avoid them in the future. Ultimately, he writes, this method is about “owning your own love life.” Jordan’s ideas, as laid out over the course of this book, are hardly revolutionary, but his clearly written work may still be illuminating for readers who can’t figure out how to break unhelpful cycles. In addition, Jordan’s approach is appealingly judgment-free in tone, as he aims to help both those who’ve been hurt as well as those who may have done the hurting. Throughout, his emphasis is on looking forward and not castigating oneself for previous mistakes. A chapter in which the author opens up about his own love life is particularly helpful in showing how his process works.

Useful guidance for breaking out of unhealthy patterns and learning how to have a mature, fulfilling love life.

Pub Date: Dec. 16, 2019

ISBN: 978-1-5439-8787-4

Page Count: 132

Publisher: BookBaby

Review Posted Online: April 29, 2020

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Doyle offers another lucid, inspiring chronicle of female empowerment and the rewards of self-awareness and renewal.

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UNTAMED

More life reflections from the bestselling author on themes of societal captivity and the catharsis of personal freedom.

In her third book, Doyle (Love Warrior, 2016, etc.) begins with a life-changing event. “Four years ago,” she writes, “married to the father of my three children, I fell in love with a woman.” That woman, Abby Wambach, would become her wife. Emblematically arranged into three sections—“Caged,” “Keys,” “Freedom”—the narrative offers, among other elements, vignettes about the soulful author’s girlhood, when she was bulimic and felt like a zoo animal, a “caged girl made for wide-open skies.” She followed the path that seemed right and appropriate based on her Catholic upbringing and adolescent conditioning. After a downward spiral into “drinking, drugging, and purging,” Doyle found sobriety and the authentic self she’d been suppressing. Still, there was trouble: Straining an already troubled marriage was her husband’s infidelity, which eventually led to life-altering choices and the discovery of a love she’d never experienced before. Throughout the book, Doyle remains open and candid, whether she’s admitting to rigging a high school homecoming court election or denouncing the doting perfectionism of “cream cheese parenting,” which is about “giving your children the best of everything.” The author’s fears and concerns are often mirrored by real-world issues: gender roles and bias, white privilege, racism, and religion-fueled homophobia and hypocrisy. Some stories merely skim the surface of larger issues, but Doyle revisits them in later sections and digs deeper, using friends and familial references to personify their impact on her life, both past and present. Shorter pieces, some only a page in length, manage to effectively translate an emotional gut punch, as when Doyle’s therapist called her blooming extramarital lesbian love a “dangerous distraction.” Ultimately, the narrative is an in-depth look at a courageous woman eager to share the wealth of her experiences by embracing vulnerability and reclaiming her inner strength and resiliency.

Doyle offers another lucid, inspiring chronicle of female empowerment and the rewards of self-awareness and renewal.

Pub Date: March 10, 2020

ISBN: 978-1-9848-0125-8

Page Count: 352

Publisher: Dial Books

Review Posted Online: Dec. 22, 2019

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Jan. 15, 2020

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A conversational, pleasurable look into McConaughey’s life and thought.

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GREENLIGHTS

All right, all right, all right: The affable, laconic actor delivers a combination of memoir and self-help book.

“This is an approach book,” writes McConaughey, adding that it contains “philosophies that can be objectively understood, and if you choose, subjectively adopted, by either changing your reality, or changing how you see it. This is a playbook, based on adventures in my life.” Some of those philosophies come in the form of apothegms: “When you can design your own weather, blow in the breeze”; “Simplify, focus, conserve to liberate.” Others come in the form of sometimes rambling stories that never take the shortest route from point A to point B, as when he recounts a dream-spurred, challenging visit to the Malian musician Ali Farka Touré, who offered a significant lesson in how disagreement can be expressed politely and without rancor. Fans of McConaughey will enjoy his memories—which line up squarely with other accounts in Melissa Maerz’s recent oral history, Alright, Alright, Alright—of his debut in Richard Linklater’s Dazed and Confused, to which he contributed not just that signature phrase, but also a kind of too-cool-for-school hipness that dissolves a bit upon realizing that he’s an older guy on the prowl for teenage girls. McConaughey’s prep to settle into the role of Wooderson involved inhabiting the mind of a dude who digs cars, rock ’n’ roll, and “chicks,” and he ran with it, reminding readers that the film originally had only three scripted scenes for his character. The lesson: “Do one thing well, then another. Once, then once more.” It’s clear that the author is a thoughtful man, even an intellectual of sorts, though without the earnestness of Ethan Hawke or James Franco. Though some of the sentiments are greeting card–ish, this book is entertaining and full of good lessons.

A conversational, pleasurable look into McConaughey’s life and thought.

Pub Date: Oct. 20, 2020

ISBN: 978-0-593-13913-4

Page Count: 304

Publisher: Crown

Review Posted Online: Oct. 27, 2020

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Dec. 1, 2020

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