LOVE BITES

A Greek-American p.i. fits in a couple of clients while trying to straighten out her love life.

It’s hard to see why Sophia Metropolis (Working Stiff, 2008, etc.) bothers to pursue aging star Jane Creek as a client for her uncle’s Astoria detective agency. She already has one more-than-eager customer: her neighbor Ivan Romanoff, who wants Sofie to prove he’s not responsible for the deaths of the young women who’ve turned up all over Queens drained of blood. Romanoff’s deathly pallor, his nocturnal habits and the flapping of wings that seems to accompany his movements all make Sofie less than interested, but each time she tries to return his payment, the money mysteriously comes back to her. So she does the next best thing, which is nothing at all. Ditto her mother’s request to find 19-year-old Roula Kalomoira—no relation closer than being a fellow Greek—who’s been missing for weeks. Sofie’s far too busy dissing Dino Antonopoulos, who offers great sex but makes the unpardonable mistake of suggesting marriage—and chasing Jake Porter, who makes himself all the sexier by refusing to have sex. But when Roula turns up dead after Sofie has expended zero effort trying to find her, the young detective finally puts down her frappé long enough to ask a few questions and comes up with a solution as comprehensive as it is fortuitous.