SCRATCH

There are precious few ways to make golf interesting to read about, much less funny, as the pseudonymous McAllister (a.k.a. Lee Gruenfeld) makes abundantly clear.

McAllister has carved himself a special little niche as one of the foremost practitioners of golf fiction. Here, he gives us the third in a series (The Green, 1999, etc.) about the supposedly-entertaining high jinks of one Eddie Caminetti, apparently not only the greatest golf hustler of all time but possibly the smartest man who ever lived. Eddie’s old buddy, “Fat Albert” Auberlain, had until very recently been one of the sport’s rising stars, but all of a sudden he developed a crushing inability to hit the ball with even a fraction of his former power and precision. Partly inspired by Auberlain’s need, and also by the desire to make gobs of money, Eddie makes friends with egghead extraordinaire Norman Standish to make the world’s most incredible golf ball. Called “Scratch,” the result has a smart little logo of a she-devil on it, is rumored to move like a bullet, retails for $100 a dozen, and causes riots at pro shops. Threatened by this new arrival, the gargantuan golf-supply conglomerate Medalist throws together a spurious lawsuit to hurl at Eddie and his upstart company. But the suit proves to be no worry, as Eddie, who turns out to be a quick study at lawyering, gives the lying, thieving execs at Medalist something to worry about. Meanwhile, he also manages to find time to hustle just about everyone he comes across. He never lies in order to win; it’s just, like old Scratch himself, that he finds the devil in the details of his agreements with his victims. Unfortunately, none of all this is terribly entertaining, since Eddie is so preternaturally street-smart and capable that there’s never any question of a contest’s outcome.

McAllister aims frequently for high-impact wackiness but generally achieves a lukewarm silliness.