WHAT MATTERED MOST

A country star confronts his past traumas.

“I’d love for you to love me,” writes country singer Herndon in his memoir. But, he admits, “this book will definitely not make me look good. This book is going to make me look confused, afraid, terrified, lost, and dishonest.” He’s overstating things a bit: In the book, which shares its title with his first No. 1 hit single, Herndon does indeed cop to some terrible mistakes, but they were informed by terrible trauma. Herndon writes of his childhood growing up in Alabama and struggling with his sexuality. At a church revival at age 10, he was humiliated by a preacher who had clocked that the boy was gay, and who pointed at him while denouncing homosexuality. “I hated Preacher longer than I have ever hated anyone….I hated him until I realized that he was probably haunted by the same secret that haunted me.” Herndon went on to launch his singing career at Opryland and Star Search, and was introduced to crystal meth by an employee of the latter show who then raped him. By the time he scored his first hits, he was addicted to the drug and to pornography, and his career was nearly destroyed after he was arrested in Texas for exposing himself to an undercover police officer. Herndon writes about his musical success, but the book is mostly a narrative of recovery from addiction and mental illness and of coming to terms with his sexuality; he came out publicly in 2014, a daring move for a country singer at that time. The memoir is moving, and the reader can’t help but root for this affable, well-intentioned man who has had to battle more than his share of demons.

Humble, graceful, and inspirational.