THE ACCIDENTAL VIRGIN

Hymeneal high-jinks via a former Mademoiselle editor and self-help co-author.

Stacy Temple, cybermarketer of naughty-girl lingerie for Thongs.com, hasn’t actually done the horizontal tango for almost a year. Problem: no partner (battery-operated devices don’t count). It doesn’t really bother her until she stumbles on a little-known rule of contemporary life: According to GiGi XXX, online sex columnist, a year without means automatic demotion to technical virginity. This thought is too depressing for Stacey, who flings herself into finding one good man for a save-me romp. In no particular order but never en masse, she gets up close and personal with several very different men and a not-out-yet lesbian. There’s Charlie, her handsome best bud from college, who doesn’t want to ruin a beautiful friendship by sleeping with her. Taylor, the lesbian wannabe, is too soft and, well, squishy. Oliver, the cute young loser next door, an amateur vampire by day and hacker by night, singes her eyebrows off during an impromptu hibachi cookout. Brian, her ex, is engaged. Jason, an earnest, brainy type with beaucoup body hair, is simply too sincere. Schlomo, an Israeli Adonis in khaki shorts, speaks very little English but he’s a whiz at removing panties. The doe-eyed Albanian pizza boy is underage. And there’s fast-talking Stanley Bombicci, the CEO of Smut.com, who wants Stacy to star in his badly written pornographic fantasy play—or, at the very least, have her read it aloud to him several times. Stacy can’t say no, because her firebreathing boss, Fiona Chardonnay, is planning a merger of sorts with Stanley. Fiona herself recommends male escorts and even buys a night of erotic bliss for Stacy, who gets cold feet and actually turns down the studly fake Finn. Okay, she’s finally ready for the bottom of the barrel: Match.com. One big fat liar later, she falls even lower and slinks into a singles’ bar.

Amusing farce, with pearls of urban wisdom and some great zingers, by the author of, among others, Sweet vs. Pretty (not reviewed).