BALLAD OF MY FEARLESS HEROINE

A widower fondly remembers his beloved wife’s life and legacy and his own struggle with grief.

Retired pediatrician Tsesis lovingly describes meeting his future spouse, Marina, whom he calls “the heroine of this book,” in the southern Ukrainian port city of Odessa in 1962, when he was 21 and a fifth-year medical student. Although college student Marina was a few years younger, the pair shared common interests in literature and music, and their relationship blossomed as Tsesis began his pediatrician practice in Moldova. Marriage and children soon followed as the author’s career thrived and his wife worked as a research physicist. In addition to chronicling his marriage, Tsesis also comments on his frustrations as a children’s health care provider, noting the “utter backwardness of the Soviet medical system,” which motivated him to uproot his family and immigrate to America in 1974. The book skips ahead decades to 2005, when Marina’s yearly mammogram appointments made the author fearful, as she’d had a benign breast fibroadenoma for years. She was now in her early 60s and had no abnormalities detected in prior examinations, but he was still anxious, as his own parents both died of cancer. His fears were sadly realized when Marina was diagnosed with advanced-stage metastatic breast cancer; her treatment included a radical mastectomy and chemotherapy. Throughout the experience, he writes, the couple maintained their dedication and loving devotion to each other.

The book’s second half is a journal chronicling Marina’s extensive oncological treatment plan, its disabling side effects, and a seven-year remission, which she celebrated with Tsesis and their grandchildren and extended family. However, in 2012, at age 69, a “scary bouquet” of cancers attacked her lungs, bones, and vital organs. The author recounts Marina’s optimistic fight for life, effectively highlighting her strength throughout the ordeal; she died in 2018. Tsesis insightfully writes about the final days from a medical professional’s perspective, noting that for some, disease becomes so profound that “the only choice left to critically sick patients is to submit to expecting their destiny.” His wife’s death also carried physical consequences for the author; his grief and anxiety became chronic and contributed to physical maladies. He notes that his spirituality, his vivid, happy memories, and his emotional strength helped him to endure the crushing loss, and he helpfully explains his recovery in detail. Overall, Tsesis offers a heart-rending account of marriage and enduring love. However, he also shows keen interest in easing the experiences of readers who may be overwhelmed by the trauma of losing a loved one to cancer or who foresee themselves enduring such a situation in the near future. His expression of compassionate care throughout this work includes sage advice on processing and coping with grief through a unique 12-step initiative he developed—from accepting that a lost loved one would not want survivors to suffer to taking inspiration from one’s belief in a higher power—as well as counsel on navigating moments of vulnerability and guilt.

A heartbreaking and empathetic chronicle of one family’s health crisis and its aftermath.