WHY MEN ARE THE WAY THEY ARE

This analysis of the male experience and how it affects male-female relationships is geared to complement Farrell's earlier The Liberated Man (1975). Many of the current misunderstandings between men and women, says Farrell, spring from their different ""primary fantasies."" The basic male fantasy, he says, is for the sexual possession of as many beautiful women as possible; however, women fantasize about marrying successful men. Teen-aged boys act out their fantasy when they suddenly discover themselves surrounded by beautiful young girls who have blossomed almost overnight. The boys get the girls' attention by being successful in one school activity or another. Thus, while girls discover that beauty is power, boys learn that performance is power. But the qualities that make men successful--infighting, problem-solving, issuing orders--are not those that produce the warmth, caring and encouragement that women want in a marriage. A man who makes a permanent commitment, says Farrell, usually forswears his primary fantasy of access to many beautiful women. His partner, on the other hand, often finds she wants more than just a successful man. She tries to change him; and he wonders why he is suddenly so deficient. Thus, Farrell calls on the ""new woman"" to back off from putting men down. He has found that women who are genuinely concerned about the men in their lives have the most successful relationships. Although Farrell tends toward repetitiveness and stereotyping, it's refreshing to get the male point of view for a change--whether or not one agrees with all that is said in presenting it.