An engagingly written, if sometimes self-indulgent, book on appropriate behavior.
James (Manly Manners: Lifestyle & Modern Etiquette for the Young Man of the 21st Century, 2016) offers his second, ethics-focused volume in his etiquette series.
In his first installment of the Manly Manners trilogy, James expressed a belief that there’s an appropriate way to go about every aspect of human interaction. In this second book, he dives deeper to explore the ethical questions that underlie etiquette, providing moral grounding to what would otherwise be empty rituals. “The physical pain caused by a slap to the face begins subsiding in seconds; the emotional pain from that same slap, however, may endure a lifetime,” he notes. From this perspective, the author goes into the proper ways that a gentleman should approach relationships, from breaking up with a romantic partner to maintaining platonic friendships. He also examines the qualities that exist at the heart of a true gentleman, and even delves a bit into his own interpretation of Christianity. James lets the reader in on what he calls the “14 Deadly Sins”—seven of “Control,” including child abuse, domestic violence, and revenge, and seven of “Insecurity,” such as idleness, substance abuse, and intolerance. He also details the “Eight A-Attitudes” that provide a gentleman with the proper outlook on life, such as “Be good, not just fair,” and “Plan for the future, but enjoy the present.” He concludes this relatively short volume with practical and philosophical advice on finding one’s proper profession and on the particulars of marriage. As in the previous volume, James writes in a heightened, mannered language that feels appropriate to his topic. However, it sometimes veers toward self-parody; for example, each chapter opens with an epigraph by the author himself doing his best Oscar Wilde impression (“For a sex-worker, the real orgasm is fiscal, not physical”; “There is less to him than meets the eye…”), which distracts to some extent. James’ advice is generally useful, however, and firmly based in established traditions. Even if doesn’t all feel completely relevant to the current culture, none of tips are so old-fashioned as to be offensive.
An engagingly written, if sometimes self-indulgent, book on appropriate behavior.Pub Date: Sept. 19, 2017
ISBN: 978-1-5320-2818-2
Page Count: 208
Publisher: iUniverse
Review Posted Online: May 4, 2018
Review Program: Kirkus Indie
BOOK REVIEW
Doyle offers another lucid, inspiring chronicle of female empowerment and the rewards of self-awareness and renewal.
More life reflections from the bestselling author on themes of societal captivity and the catharsis of personal freedom.
In her third book, Doyle (Love Warrior, 2016, etc.) begins with a life-changing event. “Four years ago,” she writes, “married to the father of my three children, I fell in love with a woman.” That woman, Abby Wambach, would become her wife. Emblematically arranged into three sections—“Caged,” “Keys,” “Freedom”—the narrative offers, among other elements, vignettes about the soulful author’s girlhood, when she was bulimic and felt like a zoo animal, a “caged girl made for wide-open skies.” She followed the path that seemed right and appropriate based on her Catholic upbringing and adolescent conditioning. After a downward spiral into “drinking, drugging, and purging,” Doyle found sobriety and the authentic self she’d been suppressing. Still, there was trouble: Straining an already troubled marriage was her husband’s infidelity, which eventually led to life-altering choices and the discovery of a love she’d never experienced before. Throughout the book, Doyle remains open and candid, whether she’s admitting to rigging a high school homecoming court election or denouncing the doting perfectionism of “cream cheese parenting,” which is about “giving your children the best of everything.” The author’s fears and concerns are often mirrored by real-world issues: gender roles and bias, white privilege, racism, and religion-fueled homophobia and hypocrisy. Some stories merely skim the surface of larger issues, but Doyle revisits them in later sections and digs deeper, using friends and familial references to personify their impact on her life, both past and present. Shorter pieces, some only a page in length, manage to effectively translate an emotional gut punch, as when Doyle’s therapist called her blooming extramarital lesbian love a “dangerous distraction.” Ultimately, the narrative is an in-depth look at a courageous woman eager to share the wealth of her experiences by embracing vulnerability and reclaiming her inner strength and resiliency.
Doyle offers another lucid, inspiring chronicle of female empowerment and the rewards of self-awareness and renewal.Pub Date: March 10, 2020
ISBN: 978-1-9848-0125-8
Page Count: 352
Publisher: Dial Books
Review Posted Online: Dec. 21, 2019
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Jan. 15, 2020
PROFILES
SEEN & HEARD
SEEN & HEARD
A vibrant, encouraging depiction of a sinister disorder.
A British novelist turns to autobiography to report the manifold symptoms and management of his debilitating disease, depression.
Clever author Haig (The Humans, 2013, etc.) writes brief, episodic vignettes, not of a tranquil life but of an existence of unbearable, unsustainable melancholy. Throughout his story, presented in bits frequently less than a page long (e.g., “Things you think during your 1,000th panic attack”), the author considers phases he describes in turn as Falling, Landing, Rising, Living, and, finally, simply Being with spells of depression. Haig lists markers of his unseen disease, including adolescent angst, pain, continual dread, inability to speak, hypochondria, and insomnia. He describes his frequent panic attacks and near-constant anhedonia, the inability to experience pleasure. Haig also assesses the efficacy of neuroscience, yoga, St. John’s wort, exercise, pharmaceuticals, silence, talking, walking, running, staying put, and working up the courage to do even the most seemingly mundane of tasks, like visiting the village store. Best for the author were reading, writing, and the frequent dispensing of kindnesses and love. He acknowledges particularly his debt to his then-girlfriend, now-wife. After nearly 15 years, Haig is doing better. He appreciates being alive and savors the miracle of existence. His writing is infectious though sometimes facile—and grammarians may be upset with the writer’s occasional confusion of the nominative and objective cases of personal pronouns. Less tidy and more eclectic than William Styron’s equally brief, iconic Darkness Visible, Haig’s book provides unobjectionable advice that will offer some help and succor to those who experience depression and other related illnesses. For families and friends of the afflicted, Haig’s book, like Styron’s, will provide understanding and support.
A vibrant, encouraging depiction of a sinister disorder.Pub Date: Feb. 23, 2016
ISBN: 978-0-14-312872-4
Page Count: 272
Publisher: Penguin
Review Posted Online: Nov. 3, 2015
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Nov. 15, 2015
SEEN & HEARD
Readers Donate Depression Book After Star Suicide
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