SILENCE OF SHAME

In this debut memoir, a woman recounts growing up with a mother confined to her bed because of multiple sclerosis.

Raised in Northern Michigan in the 1960s and ’70s, Menara was one of 10 siblings living in a two-bedroom, tin-roofed hut. The author was born in 1963 to parents who were recently divorced. In the mid-’60s, her mother, Shirley, was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, which led to her being bedridden and cared for by her children. The memoir recalls how, as a child, Menara coped with emptying bedpans, assisting with sanitary towels, and giving enemas. The book also portrays a challenging relationship with a mother who showed moments of tenderness but also ordered her kids to dish out punishments on her behalf, which included administering severe beatings with a pancake turner and starving one brother. One particularly nightmarish moment details Shirley’s demand that newly born puppies be flushed down the toilet. Despite such traumas, visits from social services instilled a genuine fear in the author of being taken away. Menara is a keenly observant writer, particularly with regard to recognizing the rare, simple pleasures of her childhood: “I shoved my face in the fresh sweetness of the purple buds then continued on my walk as I gazed at the sun filtering through the towering trees.” Similarly, she never shies away from describing the horrors of her mother’s terminal illness: “Her backside was saddled with bedsores; the stench was unbearable. In one section the flesh was stripped to the bone.” This can make for an upsetting read, but the author’s inner strength and positivity prove sufficient to lighten the ordeal: “I savored those affectionate moments; like a banana turning bad, there were bits I cut off, salvaged, and treasured.” This is an eloquently recounted and heartbreaking story—readers will admire Menara’s honesty, although her willingness to describe the most intimate details of her caregiving duties may prove too frank for some tastes. Illustrated with family photographs throughout, the memoir closes with an unexpected revelation and offers a message of hope and healing that will be of value to others who have faced similar circumstances.

Incisive, courageous writing in a vivid family account that proves both sensitive and challenging.