TEARS OF MY MOTHER

A Nigerian American academic, political commentator, and reality TV star explores how her mother influenced her life.

Osefo was born in Nigeria in 1984, shortly before her parents immigrated to Durham, North Carolina. The author’s father, a conservative Christian pastor, eventually returned to Nigeria, leaving his wife, Susan, to raise her two daughters alone. Susan maintained extremely high expectations for her children. “Using Mom’s rules—no excuses, failure is not an option—has made Nigerians the ‘model minority’ in America,” writes the author, who often felt smothered by her mother’s orders to her and her sister to become a “doctor, lawyer, or maybe an engineer” and to “marry good Igbo men.” She also resented the unwanted emotional distance between her and Susan, which the author believes is cultural. In the end, though, whether filling her role as a liberal commentator for Fox News, a cast member of The Real Housewives of Potomac, or a mother, Osefo almost entirely credits her success to her mother’s high standards and stubborn insistence on achievement. The author writes that she and her Nigerian peers “were brought up always to find a way to succeed, that no matter what circumstances we were put in or what obstacles we faced, success was about the will to succeed.” She believes this mindset made it possible for many Nigerians to transcend the systemic racism Black Americans have faced for generations. Osefo’s voice is earnest and relatable, and the narrative features a series of fascinating twists and turns. However, her insistence on separating Nigerian Americans from the larger Black community and implying that they can overcome structural racism in ways Black Americans can't, combined with her tendency to define her life solely through a Nigerian, “first gen” lens, flattens an analysis that could have used more nuance.

A compelling but often superficial Nigerian American celebrity memoir.