A memoir about the transformative nature of the death of a loved one.

Life, as Michael Branson knew it, came to a screeching halt on the morning of Oct. 27, 2014. Suddenly, at the age of 57, Michael was having severe memory lapses and was unable to stand up straight due to back pain; over the last few weeks he’d had terrible headaches. In this memoir, his widow, Nelly Branson, recounts in detail what followed her husband’s diagnosis of terminal brain cancer. Alternating between the 16 months, beginning in 2014, that she cared for Michael through his treatments and her later visits to a medium, she tells of her husband’s physical and emotional transformations. Once robust and jocular, his illness reduced his shape to that of a “rag doll.” He began to express deep emotions and strengthened his connections with his daughter Janelle, his sister, and his estranged brother before his death. The author notes a softening in her husband’s manner that manifested in an ability to show greater empathy and live “in the moment.” He began to marvel at everyday things, such as the color and feel of fabric or “All the pretty lights” at a shopping mall. With humor and honesty, the author describes how she would flit around Michael like a “hummingbird”—his term for her—as she tended to his needs, and she holds little back when describing moments when she lost her calm. Here, her candor is genuine and heartbreaking: “I felt liked a trapped animal and I wanted out,” she writes when there was a delay in discharging Michael from a hospital. The chapters with the medium add a layer of spiritual intrigue, as she translates signs that she says Michael is sending the author and her daughter from the afterlife; however, these sections feel detached and less vivid than, for example, the descriptions of his fondness for a purple-and-white turban and his enthusiasm for new things such as “lingonberry-filled crepes.”

A heartfelt and candid portrait of a long goodbye that’s unnecessarily weighed down by its spiritual interludes.

Alcoholism and mental illness roil a Wisconsin clan in this memoir about childhood abuse, family dysfunction, and the rocky road to recovery.

Branson begins her book with a dramatic event. She was a nurse engaged in a casual sexual encounter with “Dr. Joe” when her boyfriend, Michael, unexpectedly arrived at her apartment. Violence ensued, and the police were called. By the end of the chapter, readers learn the author and Michael reconciled and eventually married. Now, back to the beginning: Branson, her parents’ second child, was born in Eau Claire, Wisconsin, in July 1959. Her father was the superintendent of schools. Her young, sociable parents threw many parties at their house, with attendees usually being faculty members. One teacher, Jeffry, left Branson, still a young child, with a permanent psychological scar. According to the author, he assaulted her sexually in her bedroom during one of the parties. The incident was never discussed in the family, although Branson began drawing sexually explicit pictures (for which she was reprimanded). She acerbically describes the life lessons she learned from her family: “If someone behaves inappropriately, pretend it never happened; Bury emotions; do not attempt to communicate them; Be sneaky—it pays off; No matter what happens, act like everything is fine; When in emotional pain, drink alcohol.” Later, the author added the occasional line of cocaine. Genetically predisposed to alcoholism, she had an additional challenge: “I was born with a significant brain disorder. The mesolimbic pathway in my brain was not formed correctly at birth. This is the area of my brain that has to do with pleasure and mood regulation.” Branson does not make clear how or when she was diagnosed, but she personified this disorder by giving it a name: “Glinda.” Her articulate memoir is the disturbing tale of how she served Glinda by behaving recklessly and how she was sometimes able to keep her at bay. Readers will likely breathe a sigh of relief when the author recounts that she finally acknowledged her alcoholism (in 2003) and took new responsibility for her own life, including the mistakes and victories.  

A disquieting, edgy, and engrossing embrace of the rewards of sobriety.