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Dr. Thomas Jordan is a clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst in private practice on the upper west side of Manhattan. He is a graduate of the New York University's Postdoctoral Program in Psychoanalysis, Clinical Associate Professor of Psychology, and a faculty member of the post-doctoral program. Dr. Jordan is the author of "Learn to Love," "Healthy Love Relationship," and "Individuation in Contemporary Psychoanalysis," and co-founder of the lovelifelearningcenter.com. Dr. Jordan specializes in the treatment of chronic love life problems. He is in a group practice with his wife, Victoria Jordan LCSW, an experienced psychotherapist and couple therapist. Dr. Jordan has been researching and treating unhealthy love lives for 30 years.
“Dr. Jordan’s approach is appealingly judgment-free in tone, as he aims to help both those who’ve been hurt as well as those who may have done the hurting. Throughout, his emphasis is on looking forward and not castigating oneself for previous mistakes. A chapter in which the author opens up about his own love life is particularly helpful in showing how his process works. Useful guidance for breaking out of unhealthy patterns and learning how to have a mature, fulfilling love life.”
– Kirkus Reviews
A psychologist explains how to stop repeating relationship mistakes.
Many people, Jordan writes, feel trapped in a cycle of disappointing or dysfunctional relationships because they keep running into the same problems. The author, a clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst who previously wrote Healthy Love Relationships (2014), wanted to get to the bottom of what causes such repetitive, often destructive behaviors and to identify ways to change them. In this slim volume, he argues that people absorb lessons about love—sometimes consciously but usually unconsciously—from those that are close to them, going back to childhood. Therefore, learning to love in a healthy way begins with reflecting on past experiences and identifying what one learned from them. The experience of being abandoned, for example, may cause one to either abandon others or seek out familiar relationships in which one is likely to be abandoned again. Once a person realizes what lessons they’ve internalized, they can begin to understand negative patterns and avoid them in the future. Ultimately, he writes, this method is about “owning your own love life.” Jordan’s ideas, as laid out over the course of this book, are hardly revolutionary, but his clearly written work may still be illuminating for readers who can’t figure out how to break unhelpful cycles. In addition, Jordan’s approach is appealingly judgment-free in tone, as he aims to help both those who’ve been hurt as well as those who may have done the hurting. Throughout, his emphasis is on looking forward and not castigating oneself for previous mistakes. A chapter in which the author opens up about his own love life is particularly helpful in showing how his process works.
Useful guidance for breaking out of unhealthy patterns and learning how to have a mature, fulfilling love life.
Pub Date: Dec. 16, 2019
ISBN: 978-1-5439-8787-4
Page count: 132pp
Publisher: BookBaby
Review Posted Online: April 29, 2020
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