A GOOD ENOUGH PARENT: A Book on Child-rearing

by Bruno Bettelheim ‧ RELEASE DATE: May 11, 1987

The basic message in this wise and illuminating work is that parents who empathize with and understand their children's needs will instinctively provide the best environment for balanced development. This means a child should not be reared to become the person the parent wants, says Bettelheim. His upbringing ""should enable him to discover who he wants to be, and then to become a person who can be satisfied with himself and his way of life."" Bettelheim traces the child's development from early infancy to adolescence, explaining why children have behavioral problems at different stages. He suggests techniques for helping children to understand the reasons for their behavior, and provides methods to encourage children to supply their own solutions to their problems. The only discipline required (except that which protects the child from danger), he says, is self-discipline, and that is fostered by parental example. Scolding and corporal punishment may make for obedience, but he claims that these methods degrade children and produce hostility and a poor self-image. For some children, the expression of parental disappointment may be punishment enough, says Bettelheim. For others, banning the child from the parents' presence will send a message that bad behavior jeopardizes the unconditional love the child has grown used to. It also permits a cooling-off period. As for the adolescence, Bettelheim suggests that parents put up with the ""odd, antagonistic or otherwise unpleasant behavior without approving of it."" Throughout the book, this esteemed and venerable psychologist draws on the experiences of children he has treated, on problems in his own childhood, on the history of child-parent relations, and on Japanese methods of child-rearing--of which he approves. His is a call not for permissiveness, but for total commitment to children's welfare within a complicated society. For many it will seem that he is calling for the patience of a saint. But he says that when one puts oneself in the child's shoes and understands his anxieties, needs and thought processes, one will ""instinctively"" become a ""good enough parent.

Pub Date: May 11, 1987

ISBN: N/A

Page Count: -

Publisher: Knopf

Review Posted Online: N/A

Kirkus Reviews Issue: April 15, 1987

Categories: NONFICTION