...You'll never join the Army"" is the British equivalent of our ""This is the Army"" barrack blues. This is Jon Browne's story and the cadence count is bit-ter, in double time. Jon, the college-fresh intellectual and Mike, his bohemian counter-part, stick together through the degradation of basic training and the crudities of their camp companions. Both turn down Potential Officer status; both react to the brutal and brutalizing effects of Army feudalism; both are shattered by the strange death of Percy, who was the stereotype of the left-footed sensitive, and both blame Percy's nemesis Corporal Baker for his death. But when Mike attacks Baker and becomes a deserter, Jon decides to make his temporary enlistment as comfortable as possible, confining himself to sublingual baiting while, on the surface, ingratiating himself with his superiors. He also makes himself comfortable with Mike's girl, Pauline. Jon's better alter ego asserts itself after he finds himself the unwitting cause of Mike's imprisonment and an unplanned pregnancy. Once again a civilian, he immerses himself in a life of absolution- becomes Pauline's husband and (never missing a visiting day) Mike's devotee. A good realistic punch at peacetime Army life even it it needs the deadly satire of a Catch-22.