GROWING UP DIVORCED

by Linda Bird Francke ‧ RELEASE DATE: June 23, 1983

If the marriage was not a success, at least the divorce can be."" ""It's not divorce that handicaps kids. It's what comes after."" Francke (The Ambivalence of Abortion) says it early and late; in between, she provides infant-to-teen guidelines, as well as pointers on ""step-lives"" and other problem areas; she also urges more government help for single-parent families, as against attempts (like the Family Protection Act) to ""turn back the clock."" But the unspoken message to divorcing parents is don't, if you can help it: depending on children's ages (and a few other variables), they are better off ""growing up divorced"" only if their parents were constantly fighting. (The worse off, she suggests, are chidlren of today's ""life-style"" divorces--whose home-lives were most often idyllic.) The book reflects recent child-development studies, along with current parent-behavior patterns. There is a terrible poignancy about some of what's been learned: the transfer of stress from a pregnant, abandoned woman to a fetus in utero; the fearfulness, for a baby at the state of emotional attachment (8-18 months), of losing both parents--the mother, to a job. But children whose parents divorce before they're three are the lucky ones: they have no recollection of a two-parent household. Francke describes the ""guilt"" of preschoolers; the ""consuming sadness"" of six-to-eights--the time, above all, to avoid a split. At nine-to-twelve, children can at least feel relief. She counsels specific strategies, always stressing the destructiveness of parental warfare. Should schools, and teachers, involve themselves? What about children's role in custody fights? On these issues, Francke cites authorities scrupulously and portrays children sensitively. ""The big problem with joint custody,"" said nine-year-old Josh, ""is you have to remember where the spoons are."" For divorced, agonized parents, there is real help; but there is also a deep reproach to complacency.

Pub Date: June 23, 1983

ISBN: N/A

Page Count: -

Publisher: Linden/Simon & Schuster

Review Posted Online: N/A

Kirkus Reviews Issue: June 1, 1983

Categories: NONFICTION