PRIVATE LIES: Infidelity and the Betrayal of Intimacy

by ‧ RELEASE DATE: Jan. 23, 1988

Infidelity, says Atlanta family therapist Pittman, is the chief cause of marital breakups: over half the couples who came to him because of an adulterous relationship ended up divorced. Here Pittman contends that the chief villain is not the sex per se--but the betrayal, the secrecy, the lies. The ""cuckold,"" Pittman claims, either knows the truth or realizes something is awry: tensions build, suspicions fester, trust evaporates, the marriage ends on the rocks. He thus ""almost always"" advises the ""infidel"" (his curious terminology also includes ""affairee"") to tell all. But, curiously, Pittman supplies little evidence to support the efficacy of this. Using case studies from his practice and frequently erudite references to literature, movies, popular songs, grand opera, etc., he illustrates the hazards (and, occasionally, the solutions) for four types of adultery: ""accidental"" (spur of the moment); ""philandering"" (habitual); ""romantic attachments"" (""temporary insanity""); and ""marital arrangements"" (open marriages, or permission for extramarital sex when one partner no longer wants to have sex with the other). Written with panache and considerable wit (""The only happily married couple in Verdi's operas are the Macbeths, and they are childless and overly ambitious""), and from a sociophilosophical (rather than advice-to-the-lechery-prone) viewpoint, this work offers much to chew on--whether or not one swallows Pittman's ""confess all"" advice.

Pub Date: Jan. 23, 1988

ISBN: N/A

Page Count: -

Publisher: Norton

Review Posted Online: N/A

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Jan. 1, 1988

Categories: NONFICTION