A kind of freshman orientation handbook for the faculty, or, how to get a job at a university, Ph.D. clenched in your teeth and tail wagging. Higham, who teaches at Kansas State University, obviously doesn't have too high an opinion of the intelligence level of the average neophyte professor. But he does his best to be helpful with pointers on such matters as getting a faculty I.D. card, life insurance, selecting a house or apartment near the campus (""Before choosing a home, consult not only a banker but also the chairman. He will be flattered. . .""), the protocol of inviting senior faculty members to dinner, teaching your courses (""don't mumble"" in a large lecture), using Robert's Rules, cultivating the ""professorial image,"" grading student papers, running an academic symposium and taking all the deductions to which you are entitled on your income tax. Observing the ""chain of command"" within the university is very important; remember that ""academic politics are intense""; and, above all, show due respect to your betters and elders. Then again, after reading Professor Higham you might opt for less pomp and toadying and decide to become a plumber.