Candid, compassionate, and comforting caregiving advice.
A debut work directed at caregivers delivers straight talk and a lot of understanding.
About 21% of adults in the United States—as many as 53 million Americans—act as caregivers for aging or disabled loved ones, according to a 2020 research report cited by Blight. This segment of the population performs a service that the author is all too familiar with. He and his wife were caregivers to his mother-in-law in their home for close to two years following brain surgery, after which she lived independently but needed assistance from health aides. The episode led Blight to start his own home care company and eventually become a caregiving consultant. These three experiences—caregiver, owner of a home care service, and consultant—uniquely qualify the author to comprehend the complex, often emotional aspects of providing care for a spouse or aging parent. The book is smartly organized into 18 brief yet highly relevant chapters, each addressing an aspect of caregiving. At the close of every chapter, questions are included for reflection. Rather than attempt to create a manual, the author shares salient observations about caregiving from a very personal perspective. Often, he exposes the changing roles and conflicting emotions associated with caregiving, expressing feelings that may be uncomfortable but are widespread among practitioners. He writes, for example, “When the mother who cared for you becomes dependent upon care by you, the change can be unexpectedly difficult to comprehend and accept.” He references a study by two researchers that helps explain this “role identity conflict,” offering helpful suggestions for how to cope with such a common situation.
Blight also deftly discusses the complex dynamic if the caregiver and the receiver have “an imperfect relationship.” In this case, caregivers “need to decide how much they can tolerate and then set boundaries with the care receiver.” Throughout the book, the author brings up thorny, challenging issues and then applies his experience in proposing mechanisms to deal with them. In writing about time management, for example, he acknowledges that caregivers often need to adjust their schedules to meet receivers’ needs. He then suggests six time-management strategies to handle this reality. When he points to “compassion fatigue,” a condition that occurs when caregivers get worn out, he lists 10 “stress-reduction tips” for them to follow. Blight diligently covers many aspects of how caregiving affects both parties, such as the impact on other members of the family, the problems of juggling caregiving and work, the pros and cons of hiring outside assistance, the discomfort surrounding ministering to an aging body, the demands of coping with dementia, and more. Blight writes in a conversational, informal style. He demonstrates a keen understanding of the entire spectrum of caregiving and uses pertinent examples. He continuously reassures the caregiver, especially when he talks about the “rewards” of the role. In this respect, Blight is both educator and cheerleader. His intimate knowledge of caregiving—how it affects the two principals—makes this a valuable resource.
Candid, compassionate, and comforting caregiving advice.Pub Date: Oct. 13, 2020
ISBN: 978-1-73391-414-7
Page Count: 238
Publisher: Rivertowns Books
Review Posted Online: Sept. 24, 2020
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Nov. 1, 2020
Review Program: Kirkus Indie
A highly readable account of how solid research and personal testing of self-help techniques saved a couple's marriage after...
Self-help advice and personal reflections on avoiding spousal fights while raising children.
Before her daughter was born, bestselling author Dunn (Why Is My Mother Getting a Tattoo?: And Other Questions I Wish I Never Had to Ask, 2009, etc.) enjoyed steady work and a happy marriage. However, once she became a mother, there never seemed to be enough time, sleep, and especially help from her husband. Little irritations became monumental obstacles between them, which led to major battles. Consequently, they turned to expensive couples' therapy to help them regain some peace in life. In a combination of memoir and advice that can be found in most couples' therapy self-help books, Dunn provides an inside look at her own vexing issues and the solutions she and her husband used to prevent them from appearing in divorce court. They struggled with age-old battles fought between men and women—e.g., frequency of sex, who does more housework, who should get up with the child in the middle of the night, why women need to have a clean house, why men need more alone time, and many more. What Dunn learned via therapy, talks with other parents, and research was that there is no perfect solution to the many dynamics that surface once couples become parents. But by using time-tested techniques, she and her husband learned to listen, show empathy, and adjust so that their former status as a happy couple could safely and peacefully morph into a happy family. Readers familiar with Dunn's honest and humorous writing will appreciate the behind-the-scenes look at her own semi-messy family life, and those who need guidance through the rough spots can glean advice while being entertained—all without spending lots of money on couples’ therapy.
A highly readable account of how solid research and personal testing of self-help techniques saved a couple's marriage after the birth of their child.Pub Date: March 21, 2017
ISBN: 978-0-316-26710-6
Page Count: 272
Publisher: Little, Brown
Review Posted Online: Jan. 17, 2017
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Feb. 1, 2017
BOOK REVIEW
BOOK REVIEW
The heartbreaking story of an emotionally battered child delivered with captivating candor and grace.
The former iCarly star reflects on her difficult childhood.
In her debut memoir, titled after her 2020 one-woman show, singer and actor McCurdy (b. 1992) reveals the raw details of what she describes as years of emotional abuse at the hands of her demanding, emotionally unstable stage mom, Debra. Born in Los Angeles, the author, along with three older brothers, grew up in a home controlled by her mother. When McCurdy was 3, her mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. Though she initially survived, the disease’s recurrence would ultimately take her life when the author was 21. McCurdy candidly reconstructs those in-between years, showing how “my mom emotionally, mentally, and physically abused me in ways that will forever impact me.” Insistent on molding her only daughter into “Mommy’s little actress,” Debra shuffled her to auditions beginning at age 6. As she matured and starting booking acting gigs, McCurdy remained “desperate to impress Mom,” while Debra became increasingly obsessive about her daughter’s physical appearance. She tinted her daughter’s eyelashes, whitened her teeth, enforced a tightly monitored regimen of “calorie restriction,” and performed regular genital exams on her as a teenager. Eventually, the author grew understandably resentful and tried to distance herself from her mother. As a young celebrity, however, McCurdy became vulnerable to eating disorders, alcohol addiction, self-loathing, and unstable relationships. Throughout the book, she honestly portrays Debra’s cruel perfectionist personality and abusive behavior patterns, showing a woman who could get enraged by everything from crooked eyeliner to spilled milk. At the same time, McCurdy exhibits compassion for her deeply flawed mother. Late in the book, she shares a crushing secret her father revealed to her as an adult. While McCurdy didn’t emerge from her childhood unscathed, she’s managed to spin her harrowing experience into a sold-out stage act and achieve a form of catharsis that puts her mind, body, and acting career at peace.
The heartbreaking story of an emotionally battered child delivered with captivating candor and grace.Pub Date: Aug. 9, 2022
ISBN: 978-1-982185-82-4
Page Count: 320
Publisher: Simon & Schuster
Review Posted Online: May 30, 2022
Kirkus Reviews Issue: July 1, 2022
SEEN & HEARD
SEEN & HEARD
SEEN & HEARD
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