More ugly family secrets are revealed here, though this confessional is tempered by moving memories of the authors’ experiences. Agnew (English/Georgia Southern Univ.) and Robideaux (Writing/Univ. of Missouri, Columbia) are, of course, daughters of alcoholic mothers whose childhoods were miasmas of abuse and humiliation. Estimates are that there are 11 million more women like them. The authors placed ads in local newspapers to ferret out some of them, and 200 of the women who responded filled out extensive questionnaires, while a few cooperated with lengthy telephone or personal interviews. The research and the authors’ personal experiences show that an alcoholic mother is a source of greater shame and humiliation than an alcoholic father: “a double standard endures as much for alcoholism as for sex.” More effort is made to keep the secret in the family, depriving the children of outside comfort and support. The first part of the book is devoted to painful anecdotes of drunken mothers at their best and at their worst, the second and third parts to the consequences of growing up with angry and bitter mothers who took their pain out on their children. The daughters— problems include alcoholism, drug abuse, and eating disorders, as well as ongoing difficulties with relationships with men (an attraction to “bad boys” is common), other women (if you can’t trust your mother, how can you trust a girlfriend?), and their own children (for instance, the urge to fill their own emptiness with a baby’s love). In closing, the book looks at feelings, frequently of relief, about the often terrible deaths of the alcoholic mothers as well as encouragement and advice on “building happy lives.” Most telling are the lengthy and poignant reminiscences of the two authors’set apart in italics throughout the book—about their individual childhoods and struggles as adults. Tragic tales with uplifting endings, best suited for other daughters of alcoholic mothers, who will welcome the company. (TV satellite tour)
Pub Date: March 18, 1998
ISBN: 0-671-01385-8
Page Count: 313
Publisher: Pocket
Review Posted Online: May 19, 2010
Kirkus Reviews Issue: March 15, 1998
An engrossing, informative, and sometimes-frightening medical account that ends on an inspirational high note.
A debut memoir explores love, cancer, and learning to live in the moment.
On June 29, 2012, Slaby and her husband, Michael, were preparing to finish work (she at a Chicago law firm, he with the Barack Obama re-election campaign) before boarding a plane for New York to attend a friend’s wedding. But first she had to see her doctor. She had been suffering from shortness of breath. Her physician detected a heart irregularity and insisted she see a cardiologist immediately. What followed became a nightmare medical saga. X-rays and CT scans revealed a grapefruit-sized tumor pressing down on her heart: “My tumor was pushing on my heart, which reacted to protect itself by filling the sac where it lives with fluid. There was so much fluid, however, that my heart was under attack from its own protection.” The author was diagnosed with stage 2 non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. Chemotherapy, the prescribed treatment, first involved discussions of how to preserve her fertility. She was only 33 years old. While the tumor was not removed surgically, chemotherapy successfully shrank it. And then a December 2012 follow-up PET scan showed her thymus lighting up. It could be nothing—the tumor, now one-quarter of its original size, may have wound around her thymus. Or it could be something dire. The ensuing surgery involved cracking open her chest. Then a medical error almost caused her death. Slaby’s narrative is about much more than cancer. Although the unusual complexity of the sequential medical emergencies the author endured, which she details in lucid, graphic prose, threatens to overwhelm the memoir, she also presents a tender love story. Slaby deftly intersperses portions that recall the shifting up-and-down dynamics of her long relationship with Michael. These sections, despite the periods of great turmoil, offer readers respite from the grueling medical drama. As she worked toward physical, psychological, and emotional recovery, the author meticulously documents how difficult it was for her, a self-described “control freak,” to let go of the past and find “grace and kindness inside the unexpected.”
An engrossing, informative, and sometimes-frightening medical account that ends on an inspirational high note.Pub Date: March 19, 2019
ISBN: 978-1-63331-028-5
Page Count: 276
Publisher: Disruption Books
Review Posted Online: Feb. 14, 2019
Review Program: Kirkus Indie
Whatever happened to the discipline of ethics? At a time when moral questions tend to be argued with more heat than light, Kidder offers practical guidelines for a coherent and mindful approach to ethical dilemmas. In the early morning hours of April 26, 1986, two electrical engineers, working at the control panel of Reactor Number Four at Chernobyl, overrode six separate alarm systems to see how long the turbine would free-wheel when the power was removed. For Kidder (Shared Values for a Troubled World, not reviewed), the ensuing catastrophe is a parable of why ethics matters. Founder of the Institute for Global Ethics, he deals not so much with the problem of choosing between right and wrong as with the daily dilemmas of choosing between right and right. Should I always tell all the truth? Should I divulge professional information that may help others but will certainly ruin an individual's life? Kidder spotlights the contemporary concern for ethical standards in corporations while guiding us through the thought of Aristotle, Kant, Bentham, and others. He posits four models for dilemmas of right vs. right: the clashes between truth and loyalty, individual and community, short-term and long-term goods, justice and mercy. He goes on to propose three principles he believes will enable us to resolve moral dilemmas: consideration of the likely consequences of our decision, knowledge of the laws of conduct, and adherence to the Golden Rule that we should do as we would be done to. Finally, Kidder lays out a practical scheme for approaching problematic situations and looks at complex modern questions such as computer hacking and ways of combatting AIDS. He offers no answers, instead giving readers a program for energetic self-reflection. A brilliant and practical synthesis that squarely faces all the issues and can be grasped by the thoughtful nonspecialist.
Pub Date: Jan. 24, 1995
ISBN: 0-688-13442-4
Page Count: 224
Publisher: Morrow/HarperCollins
Review Posted Online: May 19, 2010
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Sept. 1, 1994
BOOK REVIEW
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