Solid research and easy-to-follow advice about how to recognize “the essential role of mothers in the lives of their...
Why it is so critical to be present in your child's early life.
Using current research, statistical evidence, and material from her work as a therapist and social worker, Komisar pulls together a cohesive argument about the importance of being physically and emotionally present during your child's first three years. During this time, a child is developing in numerous ways: physically achieving the goals of crawling, walking, talking, etc. and the emotional skills needed to cope with frustration, anxiety, separation, and other feelings. "Spending more time with your child during this critical period of development means she will have a greater chance of being emotionally secure and resilient to stress," writes the author, "as well as being better able to regulate her emotions throughout life, read others' social cues, achieve a higher emotional intelligence, and connect with others intimately." Komisar offers practical advice for mothers who must work, whether full- or part-time, offers suggestions for those who complain of being "bored" when they stay at home with a young child, and encourages mothers, fathers, and other caregivers to take the time to be fully present with the child. This means putting away the cellphone or computer and focusing on the child, getting down to her level to play, read, sing, and interact. The author also provides lists of important questions to ask before placing a child in day care, thoroughly explains the damage done to a child when a mother is absent, and considers why society doesn't place a higher value on the act of parenting. Komisar's information is common-sensical, but because American society has moved so far away from accepting mothering as a crucial job, it’s quite welcome. As she notes, the health and well-being of our children should be first and foremost in every parent's life.
Solid research and easy-to-follow advice about how to recognize “the essential role of mothers in the lives of their children and mak[e] it easier for women to be there when it matters most.”Pub Date: April 11, 2017
ISBN: 978-0-14-310929-7
Page Count: 288
Publisher: TarcherPerigee
Review Posted Online: Jan. 23, 2017
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Feb. 1, 2017
A Studs Terkellike approach—brief, topically organized excerpts from many interviews—on the experience of losing a parent as a child or adolescent. Simon (Women's Studies/City College of San Francisco) and Drantell (a San Franciscobased writer and book editor) are best here in an introductory chapter and ``coda'' that relate reactions to their own childhood and adolescent losses (Simon, a father at age 17; Drantell, a mother at age 11) and emotional journeys in compiling the material for this book. Their 70 interviewees cover an impressive cross-cultural and inter-generational range, and yield some fascinating insights about how not only the subjects, but also the surviving parent, siblings, other relatives, peers, and neighbors, reacted to such a cataclysmic loss. For example, a 61-year-old man who lost his mother and father two years apart in the early 1950s recalls, ``There was no discussion of grieving. . . . I was just a working-class kid. We didn't talk, we stuffed it in.'' Conversely, other interviewees, particularly those who came of age after about 1965, feel that the experience of early parental loss could be talked about, and also that it matured and deepened them emotionally; as one woman in her 30s put it, her father's death when she was 11 ``made me more open to life, made me want to take it on more fully. Because you touch something that's in the marrow. You cut through a lot of superficiality and are more sensitive to things.'' In general, however, the panoramic approach that Terkel applied to sweeping historical events such as the Depression and WW II doesn't work as well for an experience as highly personal as a parent's death. Here, the reader needs to be introduced to both the deceased parent and the interviewee in greater depth than the several short excerpts from a far longer interview provided here. (The reader also learns only about the interviewees' first name, current age, and age when they lost a parent; inexplicably, only those who are writers or otherwise artists are identified by their profession or vocation.) In addition, the authors see fit to provide brief general comments as an introduction to each topical subsection; unfortunately, their words are rarely illuminating and at times hackneyed (e.g., ``As grown-up orphans, if we know one thing, we know death is inevitable. At different times in our lives, we experience the inevitability differently''). Largely because of its methodology, Simon and Drantell's mosaic oral history ultimately lacks sufficient reflective or imaginative depth and emotional force. However, it should prove comforting and perhaps helpful to those who have lost, or are about to lose, a parent in childhood or adolescence, as well as to their immediate relatives.
Pub Date: March 1, 1998
ISBN: 0-684-81319-X
Page Count: 352
Publisher: Simon & Schuster
Review Posted Online: May 19, 2010
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Feb. 1, 1998
A serious psychological foray into What to Expect When You're Expecting territory. Psychiatrist Stern (The Diary of a Baby, 1990, etc.) presents a thoughtful guide to the psychological impact of motherhood. Following the expecting and new mother through the various stages of her experience—creating an imaginary baby while pregnant, feelings of inadequacy and contentment that come after the birth, planning the baby's future, determining whether to go back to work—the authors explain what is happening to her psychologically and emotionally. They demonstrate how each phase of the process contributes to the birth of the ``motherhood mindset,'' a new state of mind that puts her role as mother before all else (Stern's theory runs counter to traditional psychological beliefs that we retain one mindset, or ``basic psychic organization,'' throughout our lives). Stories of individual women, in particular three whom the authors follow from their sixth month of pregnancy, resonate strongly in parts, and all women will find aspects of their own life, as either a mother or child, in this generally soothing study. Especially interesting are the sections that explore the changing relationship of the new mother to her own mother, the expectations parents place on their children (as peacemakers or antidepressants, for example), and the importance of fantasies as a first step in establishing the motherhood mindset. The work-and-family question, however, is handled perfunctorily, and while the authors are generally careful about not judging new mothers, they have no understanding for mothers who choose to work when they are not financially obliged to. Although too slim to fully explore the psychological development of mothers, this book offers key insights into the process.
Pub Date: March 1, 1998
ISBN: 0-465-01621-9
Page Count: 256
Publisher: Basic Books
Review Posted Online: May 19, 2010
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Feb. 1, 1998
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