A smartly observant book that argues for modest personality changes. Using a familiar image for undesirable personality traits, clinical psychologist Sills (A Fine Romance, 1987) suggests that ``excess baggage'' not only interferes with success and satisfaction but also makes one harder to love. This baggage is disposable, she insists, and she urges readers to follow a simple three-step process: Change what you see; change what you think; change what you do. Sills identifies troublesome qualities (fear of rejection, need for drama) and examines the clusters of behaviors associated with them, pointing out important insights in every case: how super-efficient people turn life into work; why taking risks can help a fearful person feel more secure; when forgiveness is something you do for yourself. Moreover, she suggests specific exercises for improvement, including a unique new strategy for worriers (set aside half an hour a day for concentrating on anxieties) and some telephone tactics for those in high-intensity relationships. Drawing on classical therapists (Karen Horney, Otto F. Kernberg, Abraham Maslow) as well as recent popular theorists (Daniel Goleman, Christopher Lasch, Lawrence LeShan), Sills skillfully mixes ideas with examples and avoids professional jargon. You don't have to be the most or the best anything, she concludes, ``You just have to be enough.'' Catchy, focused advice for those looking to lighten their loads.
Pub Date: Jan. 1, 1993
ISBN: 0-670-84062-9
Page Count: 304
Publisher: Viking
Review Posted Online: May 19, 2010
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Nov. 1, 1992
Still, Goleman's clear, engaging style makes this a model for social science literature that bridges professional and lay...
Goleman succeeds in making a powerful case for the importance of the relatively new concept of emotional intelligence, while greatly broadening our understanding of what intelligence is all about in the first place.
According to New York Times psychology and brain science editor Goleman (Vital Lies, Simple Truths, not reviewed, etc.), despite "the lopsided scientific vision of an emotionally flat mental life," we think, act, and interact at least as much on the basis of our feelings as on rational grounds. The extent to which we're knowledgeable and nuanced about our own and others' emotions constitutes "emotional literacy." Goleman covers an enormous amount of territory in exploring this topic, including the neurology of emotions, group behavior, impulse control (particularly concerning aggression), and the correlation of one's emotional state with one's ability to endure pain or heal after surgery. Goleman's primary good news is that children and adults can benefit from "emotional coaching": The brain's feeling mechanism, i.e., synapses between cells, can literally grow, even in the case of such long-term disorders as depression or obsessive- compulsive behavior. Goleman takes us into a number of schools, including one in the inner city, that have developed new curricula to teach children to be more aware of their emotions and to develop a wider repertoire to replace self-defeating, self-destructive, or antisocial behavior. The main weakness here is the author's occasionally glib tone as he bandies about statistics or scants an important topic. He also has a penchant for making and citing sweeping claims on the benefits of helping individuals achieve greater emotional literacy. And in emphasizing cognitive and behaviorist methods, he slights psychoanalytic and family-systems approaches.
Still, Goleman's clear, engaging style makes this a model for social science literature that bridges professional and lay readerships.Pub Date: Oct. 1, 1995
ISBN: 0-553-09503-X
Page Count: 336
Publisher: Bantam
Review Posted Online: May 19, 2010
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Aug. 1, 1995
A crisply written, valuable look at the emotional dynamics of heterosexual men who physically abuse their female partners (an estimated three to four percent of men in marital or other relationships with women). Dutton, a psychologist (Univ. of British Columbia) and director of the Assaultive Husbands Program in Vancouver, has seen hundreds of batterers in group therapy and done research on many more. He notes, with cowriter Golant (coauthor with Rosalynn Carter of Helping Yourself Help Others), that they are characterized by three phenomena in their family histories: fathers who shamed and humiliated them; emotionally labile mothers to whom they are thus ``fearfully attached''; and families that used physical violence to deal with conflicts. Dutton believes most batterers can be helped (an exception is the 20% or so of ``vagal'' abusers, who actually become neurologically calmer as they become more violent and who feel little or no remorse for their actions). In one fascinating chapter Dutton walks the reader through a group conducted for batterers. He also provides practical guidance to both the men and their victims on how to recognize, as well as defuse or escape from, a physically violent relationship. But in his focus on what might be called the parental triangle (father, mother, and son) in creating batterers, Dutton ignores the possible influences of siblings and other family members; he also largely scants the psychological impact of relationships in the batterer's adult life, with the exception of a brief section on how women are involved in a ``traumatic bonding'' with abusers. In addition, some of Dutton's sociological evidence on batterers and their victims comes from limited studies. Yet Dutton more than compensates for these shortcomings by clearly presenting a great deal of wisdom that he and others have accrued on batterers.
Pub Date: Oct. 15, 1995
ISBN: 0-465-03387-3
Page Count: 224
Publisher: Basic Books
Review Posted Online: May 19, 2010
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Aug. 15, 1995
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