In this memoir/advice guide, a psychotherapist shares the story of her contentious divorce as well as tips for obtaining a divorce without an attorney and other “self-care” strategies.
Goodwin admits that she was gobsmacked by her second marriage: “I simply did not see this nastiness coming, nor did anything in my life before or since prepare me for the days in court which waited me.” She ended up handling her divorce from Eli, himself a corporate lawyer, largely without a lawyer since she had learned to distrust the entire profession. “The myth of needing to retain a lawyer is a terrible one,” she notes. “Lawyers are taught to drum up conflict.” In a three-part narrative, Goodwin details her “intense coupling” with Eli, which started when she was co-facilitator of a spirituality workshop that he attended. They joined forces, including living with their children from past marriages, but the relationship unraveled as Eli “psychologically deteriorated.” He ended up leaving his job, filing for disability, then filing for divorce, misrepresenting his previous divorce decree to claim financial hardship and leave Goodwin with nothing. In the second part of her book, Goodwin walks readers through the various legal forms and protocols she dealt with during her divorce. The final section focuses on exercise, nutrition, meditation and other self-care activities that she believes are critical in life overall and particularly in managing the stress of divorce. This first-person account is oddly entertaining, with Goodwin’s wry recounting of bizarre behavior—such as Eli waking the family up at 4:30 to find out who left the top off the ketchup bottle—at times reminiscent of Augusten Burroughs’s Running with Scissors. Overall, however, the narrative is rather murky and muddled, with Goodwin’s own back story and the resolution of her case remaining rather hazy. Still, Goodwin admirably spotlights the land mines of divorce, and if nothing else, she points those in similar straits to self-help advice available elsewhere.
Offbeat, rambling testimony that provides some practical pointers and serves as a cautionary tale for those dealing with divorce.
Pub Date: March 14, 2014
ISBN: 978-1452591124
Page Count: 320
Publisher: BalboaPress
Review Posted Online: Aug. 13, 2014
Review Program: Kirkus Indie
A vibrant, encouraging depiction of a sinister disorder.
A British novelist turns to autobiography to report the manifold symptoms and management of his debilitating disease, depression.
Clever author Haig (The Humans, 2013, etc.) writes brief, episodic vignettes, not of a tranquil life but of an existence of unbearable, unsustainable melancholy. Throughout his story, presented in bits frequently less than a page long (e.g., “Things you think during your 1,000th panic attack”), the author considers phases he describes in turn as Falling, Landing, Rising, Living, and, finally, simply Being with spells of depression. Haig lists markers of his unseen disease, including adolescent angst, pain, continual dread, inability to speak, hypochondria, and insomnia. He describes his frequent panic attacks and near-constant anhedonia, the inability to experience pleasure. Haig also assesses the efficacy of neuroscience, yoga, St. John’s wort, exercise, pharmaceuticals, silence, talking, walking, running, staying put, and working up the courage to do even the most seemingly mundane of tasks, like visiting the village store. Best for the author were reading, writing, and the frequent dispensing of kindnesses and love. He acknowledges particularly his debt to his then-girlfriend, now-wife. After nearly 15 years, Haig is doing better. He appreciates being alive and savors the miracle of existence. His writing is infectious though sometimes facile—and grammarians may be upset with the writer’s occasional confusion of the nominative and objective cases of personal pronouns. Less tidy and more eclectic than William Styron’s equally brief, iconic Darkness Visible, Haig’s book provides unobjectionable advice that will offer some help and succor to those who experience depression and other related illnesses. For families and friends of the afflicted, Haig’s book, like Styron’s, will provide understanding and support.
A vibrant, encouraging depiction of a sinister disorder.Pub Date: Feb. 23, 2016
ISBN: 978-0-14-312872-4
Page Count: 272
Publisher: Penguin
Review Posted Online: Nov. 3, 2015
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Nov. 15, 2015
SEEN & HEARD
Readers Donate Depression Book After Star Suicide
An easy reading book of supportive encouragement to follow one’s dreams.
More than 40 career-changers tell their stories.
Introduced by Facebook executive and founder of Leanin.org Sheryl Sandberg, Lewis’ second cousin, the book offers exuberant advice for people who want to make a leap—daring or modest—from one career path to another, just as he did. At the age of 24, working for the investment firm Bain Capital, the author felt restless and dissatisfied. “I began to realize,” he writes, “that I wanted this life mostly because I thought I should,” but he heard “a very distinct if faint voice” urging him to try something “very different.” As he considered following his passion to become a professional squash player, Lewis sought advice from others who made similar jumps: a banker-turned-cyclist, for example, and a journalist-turned-politician. From them, and the others whose stories fill the book, he came up with the idea of the Jump Curve, a process of four key phases: listening to your inner voice, making a practical plan, believing in your own good luck, and rejecting regret. “You will come out stronger,” Lewis insists, even if your initial plan fails. “I keep coming back to the idea of agency,” said a man who made a move from corporate hospitality service to restaurant ownership: “the difference between life happening to you versus you making life happen.” Among the individuals profiled are a nurse who, at the age of 50, became a doctor; a football player–turned-writer; an investment professional who became coxswain of the U.S. Paralympic Rowing Team; a PR executive who found her calling as an Episcopal bishop; and a lawyer who sued the New York fire department to admit women firefighters—and then became the first woman hired. “Harassment, discrimination, death threats,” and physical abuse dogged her 25-year career. But, she says, “this was a jump worth fighting for,” a sentiment that Lewis underscores. Changing careers is risky, but “there is a risk to not taking a jump at all.”
An easy reading book of supportive encouragement to follow one’s dreams.Pub Date: Jan. 9, 2018
ISBN: 978-1-250-12421-0
Page Count: 336
Publisher: Henry Holt
Review Posted Online: Oct. 16, 2017
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Nov. 1, 2017
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