An absorbing look at the complicated, ever-changing institution of marriage. New Yorker staff writer Harris (Holy Days, not reviewed) brings a journalist's eye for detail and a graceful style to this account of four very different married couples who had one thing in common from the start: ``Nothing in their premarital thoughts had in the least prepared them for the reality of wedded life.'' The first couple, well-to-do, illustrates at nearly every turn the received wisdom that much marital difficulty revolves around moneywith the refreshing twist that in this instance it is the husband who (in his wife's words) ``had no sense of budget, and no sense of constraint.'' Harris's second case study, a working-class couple, struggles to survive without much education and without much money, dissolving and reuniting, reassuring themselves that ``things weren't so bad,'' trying as best they can to make do in an uneasy world. The third, and most interesting, couple is middle- class and African-American, each partner blessed with a long view and a keenly developed, sometimes ironic sense of the way things work: ``The hippie phenomenon fascinated [the husband]. He was amazed that young white kids could check out of the system, then casually check back in three or four years later. . . . Black kids, he says, could never behave like that.'' The final couple, bohemian with a studied vengeance, has matured gracefully through the era of open marriage to a conception of life as something other than a playground. Harris pretends to no grand theory, and she is pleasingly candid, as when she admits to a certain surprise at the one element that her subjects share in their daily lives: ``Everyone worked terribly hard all the time, and . . . rarely got a chance to come up for air.'' Despite such burdens, Harris's four married couples endure through better and worse, making this a useful survival manual for newlyweds.
Pub Date: Sept. 1, 1995
ISBN: 0-684-80826-9
Page Count: 272
Publisher: Simon & Schuster
Review Posted Online: June 24, 2010
Kirkus Reviews Issue: July 1, 1995
BOOK REVIEW
BOOK REVIEW
Six discursive, stirring autobiographical essays wrestle with the social definitions foisted on the author as a black man and situate him within his own personal experiences and the collective history of his kin. Grief, hope, and contemplation fill these pages as Wideman (Philadelphia Fire, 1990, etc.) unburdens his heart on the subjects of manhood, racial prejudice, fatherhood, and family heritage. Deceptively short and readable, these are not simple essays. Each is structured around the same two-part process: identifying the ways in which the "paradigm of race" destroys African-American pride, love, communication, and history, creating distance between fathers and sons; then addressing the ways this distance ought to be overcome. "Because we don't talk or can't talk father to son, son to father, each generation approaches the task of becoming men as if no work has been accomplished before," writes Wideman. "Imagine how different we might be if we really listened to our fathers' stories." His own parents were divorced, and he describes his relationship with his father as by turns estranged, distant, painful, and loving. The best piece by far is the title essay, which incorporates his finest thoughts on subjects discussed in the other five and achieves a clarity they sometimes lack. In it, Wideman explains that as a boy wanting to be closer to his dad he always heard the church hymn phrase "farther along we'll know more about you" as "father along." Among the highlights is a description of a pilgrimage he and his father made to South Carolina to search for family roots. In his prose, Wideman displays an uncanny gift for conjuring up a potent single image: "My mother's open arms. My father's arms crossed on his chest." This book will frustrate readers, however, as Wideman fails to do more than allude to his own son, who killed a teenage camp mate. Earnest, artful, hopeful, angry, and proud, Wideman's lovely book contains the seeds of promise for a world where black children have a rich wellspring of history to draw from, and where there's "enough love for everybody."
Pub Date: Oct. 1, 1994
ISBN: 0-679-40720-0
Page Count: 216
Publisher: Pantheon
Review Posted Online: May 19, 2010
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Aug. 1, 1994
Matchmakers and matchees alike will find help in this good- humored, complete guide, which advises women to leave no stone unturned—and no phone call unreturned—in the determined quest for a mate. Freelance writer Brawarsky (who charges no fee for her matchmaking services) claims to have six successful couplings to her credit (and two more that look promising). For the ever-alert woman looking for men, happy hunting grounds are everywhere to be found: art galleries, flea markets, even the checkout line at the supermarket (if nothing else, you will at least have found out the name and use of those unidentified leafy green things in his cart). And everyone can be enlisted as a spy on your behalf: Realtors know the single men who have just moved to town; interior designers are privy to information about their male clients; and your doorman can tell you about ``the guy who just moved into 11G.'' So why are you still sitting there like a slug? Get out and meet someone, already.
Pub Date: Oct. 4, 1994
ISBN: 0-671-86496-3
Page Count: 128
Publisher: N/A
Review Posted Online: May 19, 2010
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Sept. 1, 1994
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