Extraordinarily well written popular psychology that dissects the complex power relations between modern lovers and within their societies. ``I doubt that anyone before our own era...expected marriage to make up for the pain of history,'' comments clinical psychologist Miller. But now, he contends, love is expected to conquer traumas generated by both personal histories and societal problems. Under this impossible burden, the social bonds of love have disintegrated. Lovers, despairing of diplomacy, employ extreme means in the battle for intimate space and sustenance—the ``intimate terrorism'' of the title. Like all good writers in this genre, Miller draws authority from an awareness of life and thought that transcends psychology's frameworks. He peppers his text with judicious citations from classic works of literature, social science, and philosophy. But there's meaty original thinking, too. He describes some forms of intimate terrorism in terms of classic dialectics, like those between scarcity and abundance (initially, lovers feel flooded with abundance, but later love is valued only if it is scarce, or withheld); others he analyzes in light of contemporary fears of failure and epidemics of abuse. Throughout, Miller sails against prevailing winds of self-help, insisting that the structure of contemporary society be held responsible for its contribution to marital misery. (While he explicitly addresses himself to troubled gay, lesbian, or unmarried couples as well as to married heterosexuals, it is the latter group that populates his examples.) Despite his sophistication, the author can't resist overstating his claim that ours is a fallen time in comparison to a golden age somewhere in the past. Meanwhile, his closing prescription for irony and humor rings oddly, given his earnest tone throughout. Nevertheless, an urgent, transparent style coupled with important subject matter result in a probing account of contemporary pain.
Pub Date: May 1, 1995
ISBN: 0-393-03759-2
Page Count: 256
Publisher: Norton
Review Posted Online: May 19, 2010
Kirkus Reviews Issue: March 15, 1995
Readers unfamiliar with the anecdotal material Greene presents may find interesting avenues to pursue, but they should...
Greene (The 33 Strategies of War, 2007, etc.) believes that genius can be learned if we pay attention and reject social conformity.
The author suggests that our emergence as a species with stereoscopic, frontal vision and sophisticated hand-eye coordination gave us an advantage over earlier humans and primates because it allowed us to contemplate a situation and ponder alternatives for action. This, along with the advantages conferred by mirror neurons, which allow us to intuit what others may be thinking, contributed to our ability to learn, pass on inventions to future generations and improve our problem-solving ability. Throughout most of human history, we were hunter-gatherers, and our brains are engineered accordingly. The author has a jaundiced view of our modern technological society, which, he writes, encourages quick, rash judgments. We fail to spend the time needed to develop thorough mastery of a subject. Greene writes that every human is “born unique,” with specific potential that we can develop if we listen to our inner voice. He offers many interesting but tendentious examples to illustrate his theory, including Einstein, Darwin, Mozart and Temple Grandin. In the case of Darwin, Greene ignores the formative intellectual influences that shaped his thought, including the discovery of geological evolution with which he was familiar before his famous voyage. The author uses Grandin's struggle to overcome autistic social handicaps as a model for the necessity for everyone to create a deceptive social mask.
Readers unfamiliar with the anecdotal material Greene presents may find interesting avenues to pursue, but they should beware of the author's quirky, sometimes misleading brush-stroke characterizations.Pub Date: Nov. 13, 2012
ISBN: 978-0-670-02496-4
Page Count: 320
Publisher: Viking
Review Posted Online: Sept. 12, 2012
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Oct. 1, 2012
BOOK REVIEW
BOOK REVIEW
An intriguing approach to identifying and relating to one’s emotions.
An analysis of our emotions and the skills required to understand them.
We all have emotions, but how many of us have the vocabulary to accurately describe our experiences or to understand how our emotions affect the way we act? In this guide to help readers with their emotions, Brackett, the founding director of Yale University’s Center for Emotional Intelligence, presents a five-step method he calls R.U.L.E.R.: We need to recognize our emotions, understand what has caused them, be able to label them with precise terms and descriptions, know how to safely and effectively express them, and be able to regulate them in productive ways. The author walks readers through each step and provides an intriguing tool to use to help identify a specific emotion. Brackett introduces a four-square grid called a Mood Meter, which allows one to define where an emotion falls based on pleasantness and energy. He also uses four colors for each quadrant: yellow for high pleasantness and high energy, red for low pleasantness and high energy, green for high pleasantness and low energy, and blue for low pleasantness and low energy. The idea is to identify where an emotion lies in this grid in order to put the R.U.L.E.R. method to good use. The author’s research is wide-ranging, and his interweaving of his personal story with the data helps make the book less academic and more accessible to general readers. It’s particularly useful for parents and teachers who want to help children learn to handle difficult emotions so that they can thrive rather than be overwhelmed by them. The author’s system will also find use in the workplace. “Emotions are the most powerful force inside the workplace—as they are in every human endeavor,” writes Brackett. “They influence everything from leadership effectiveness to building and maintaining complex relationships, from innovation to customer relations.”
An intriguing approach to identifying and relating to one’s emotions.Pub Date: Sept. 3, 2019
ISBN: 978-1-250-21284-9
Page Count: 320
Publisher: Celadon Books
Review Posted Online: June 22, 2019
Kirkus Reviews Issue: July 15, 2019
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