Writing is personal. 

Whether you’re writing dry technical text or a memoir about your childhood, writing is a direct expression of thought. So when someone criticizes it, it’s hard not to feel hurt. If someone points out something they think is wrong with your writing, aren’t they saying they think something is wrong with you?!

Of course not. At least not unless your editor has a grudge against you and is deeply passive-aggressive, which is unlikely. 

Responding to criticism is how you’ll improve your writing. So if you have any writing goals other than writing just for yourself (which is great!), then you’ll need to learn to not just hear criticism but seek it out. 

Every Draft Is an Experiment

Like any art from, writing is a way for you to take an idea in your mind and communicate it with others. So criticism isn’t an attack—it’s feedback. 

If you’re working on consumer-facing technical writing and your manager tells you that you need to make your sentences simpler, they’re not calling you out for being verbose. They’re likely working on information about your typical consumer, who might respond better to shorter sentences. 

Or if you’re working on a romance novel and your first reader thought it read more like a thriller, you might be surprised but you shouldn’t be offended. If your idea isn’t being translated effectively, that doesn’t mean it’s a bad idea. 

Whatever the context, if you find yourself so thrown off by feedback that you feel emotional, ask more questions. Find specific points—whether on the level of sentence structure and grammar or character arcs and plot—that are coming across differently than how you expected. That way you’ll have an actual road map to effectively communicate what you had in mind, whether that’s how to fix a broken coffee maker or a hero who is romantic but not obsessive. 

Who Is This For?

Sometimes feedback comes from a boss, an editor, or a test reader, all of which are to be expected, even explicitly sought out. But even before social media, a lot of critical feedback comes from people who may not even think you’re seeing or hearing it. 

In the early days of the internet, authors were often encouraged to engage with feedback from the general public and have a robust internet presence. While that’s still partially true, these days it’s more likely that even lower-profile authors maintain strict boundaries online. They’ll have a website and accounts on prominent social media platforms, but they likely aren’t reading the comments, at least not all of them. And while many writers wallow in despair over reviews of their books on sites like Goodreads, the first thing they’ll say is “I know I shouldn’t be looking at it!” 

When reacting to feedback from the world at large, consider the audience. Goodreads reviews aren’t meant for authors—they’re meant for readers. So even if you’re getting tagged with every nasty comment, that’s not the kind of reaction worth your time. The same goes for copywriting; someone disliking the brand voice you work for doesn’t mean they dislike you. You may even agree with them! But it’s not your job to adjust your work based on social media responses. 

Unless you have a close, trusted relationship with the person giving you the unsolicited feedback, feel free to disregard it and don’t let it ruin your day. 

It’s Not All Bad

Sometimes, though, that trusted person giving you feedback might be your problem. Not because they’re hurting your feelings but because all they care about is building you up. 

It’s not helpful for you to hear that everything you write is perfect. In a professional setting, you need to know what you’re specifically doing correctly so that you can keep doing it. In a creative setting, you need to understand where that praise is coming from so you can use it constructively. 

If you rewrote your romance, the one that first came across as a thriller, and gave it to another reader who ended up loving it, you need to ask the same questions you did of the more critical reviewer: What made the story work? What specifically did the reader like about it? If you allow yourself to consider that maybe you picked the wrong initial reader if they didn’t like your book, you have to also consider that someone who loves the enemies-to-lovers trope will enjoy it even when executed poorly. 

Feel the Feelings, Then Move On

You’re a human being, and human beings have emotions. When you pour your heart and soul into something and the feedback isn’t what you’d hoped to hear, don’t make it your goal to feel nothing. Even if you don’t think of your bill-paying copywriting work as art from your soul, it’s still your work and you (hopefully!) care about it. 

Give yourself space to privately feel your feelings and honor any reactions. You’ll be able to implement any tough feedback when you’re feeling ready. And if you keep at it, eventually even the harshest words won’t hit you so hard. 

Chelsea Ennen is a writer living in Brooklyn with her husband and her dog. When not writing or reading, she is a fiber and textile artist who sews, knits, crochets, weaves, and spins.