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WILL NOT ATTEND

LIVELY STORIES OF DETACHMENT AND ISOLATION

A neurotic, unapologetic, hilarious collection.

Emmy-winning screenwriter Resnick holds nothing back in this debut of shamelessly personal tales.

Parents, siblings, former teachers, the blue-haired woman on the eighth floor—everyone is fair game in the author’s world. Darting from one defining (or scarring) memory to another, Resnick honestly recounts early childhood mishaps, the confusion of adolescence and the truly confounding notion of fatherhood. The writing is sharp and sharp-tongued, sometimes close to the line of mean-spirited—the book is not for readers who are easily offended. The opening story centers on a classmate’s Easter party, which Resnick had no intentions of attending until he realized his crush would be there. At the party, the author bonded with the young girl based on their mutual dislike of other kids, and they set out to find the “special” Easter egg filled with money. What he actually found was a highly inappropriate picture in the host’s filing cabinet that sent his crush fleeing, never to speak to him again. Meanwhile, Resnick’s young mind was forever warped and confounded by the image. The vulgar, adult language employed while explaining the story from his young self’s perspective is simultaneously unsettling and uproarious and sets the tone for the rest of the collection. Incidents—like the apartment porter’s pitching a screenplay while the elevator was delayed or when Resnick threw out his daughter’s piano while she was on vacation—could be pulled straight from lost scripts of Curb Your Enthusiasm. The stories of Resnick’s first job at a sleazy insurance company and his refusal as a child to pose with a frozen turkey at the supermarket stand out for their wit and relatability. The author’s aversion to just about everything paints him as nihilistic and cynical, but the subtle moments of genuine vulnerability remain the heart of every story. These moments prove redemptive for a character who sometimes feels beyond saving and shed light on how he developed such comically twisted viewpoints.

A neurotic, unapologetic, hilarious collection.

Pub Date: May 8, 2014

ISBN: 978-0-399-16038-7

Page Count: 272

Publisher: Blue Rider Press

Review Posted Online: April 14, 2014

Kirkus Reviews Issue: May 1, 2014

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I AM OZZY

An autobiography as toxic and addictive as any drug its author has ever ingested.

The legendary booze-addled metal rocker turned reality-TV star comes clean in his tell-all autobiography.

Although brought up in the bleak British factory town of Aston, John “Ozzy” Osbourne’s tragicomic rags-to-riches tale is somehow quintessentially American. It’s an epic dream/nightmare that takes him from Winson Green prison in 1966 to a presidential dinner with George W. Bush in 2004. Tracing his adult life from petty thief and slaughterhouse worker to rock star, Osbourne’s first-person slang-and-expletive-driven style comes off like he’s casually relating his story while knocking back pints at the pub. “What you read here,” he writes, “is what dribbled out of the jelly I call my brain when I asked it for my life story.” During the late 1960s his transformation from inept shoplifter to notorious Black Sabbath frontman was unlikely enough. In fact, the band got its first paying gigs by waiting outside concert venues hoping the regularly scheduled act wouldn’t show. After a few years, Osbourne and his bandmates were touring America and becoming millionaires from their riff-heavy doom music. As expected, with success came personal excess and inevitable alienation from the other members of the group. But as a solo performer, Osbourne’s predilection for guns, drink, drugs, near-death experiences, cruelty to animals and relieving himself in public soon became the stuff of legend. His most infamous exploits—biting the head off a bat and accidentally urinating on the Alamo—are addressed, but they seem tame compared to other dark moments of his checkered past: nearly killing his wife Sharon during an alcohol-induced blackout, waking up after a bender in the middle of a busy highway, burning down his backyard, etc. Osbourne is confessional to a fault, jeopardizing his demonic-rocker reputation with glib remarks about his love for Paul McCartney and Robin Williams. The most distinguishing feature of the book is the staggering chapter-by-chapter accumulation of drunken mishaps, bodily dysfunctions and drug-induced mayhem over a 40-plus-year career—a résumé of anti-social atrocities comparable to any of rock ’n’ roll’s most reckless outlaws.

An autobiography as toxic and addictive as any drug its author has ever ingested.

Pub Date: Jan. 25, 2010

ISBN: 978-0-446-56989-7

Page Count: 320

Publisher: Grand Central Publishing

Review Posted Online: May 19, 2010

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Dec. 1, 2009

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NUTCRACKER

This is not the Nutcracker sweet, as passed on by Tchaikovsky and Marius Petipa. No, this is the original Hoffmann tale of 1816, in which the froth of Christmas revelry occasionally parts to let the dark underside of childhood fantasies and fears peek through. The boundaries between dream and reality fade, just as Godfather Drosselmeier, the Nutcracker's creator, is seen as alternately sinister and jolly. And Italian artist Roberto Innocenti gives an errily realistic air to Marie's dreams, in richly detailed illustrations touched by a mysterious light. A beautiful version of this classic tale, which will captivate adults and children alike. (Nutcracker; $35.00; Oct. 28, 1996; 136 pp.; 0-15-100227-4)

Pub Date: Oct. 28, 1996

ISBN: 0-15-100227-4

Page Count: 136

Publisher: Harcourt

Review Posted Online: May 19, 2010

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Aug. 15, 1996

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