An instructive how-to book and a welcome prescription for troubled couples.

Couples' Therapy: A Do-It-Yourself Guide to a Better Relationship

A simple, practical debut guidebook to relationship therapy—without the therapist.

Married or dating, gay or straight, long-term or brand-new couples all confront conflicts that test their staying power. Longtime therapist Compton spends little time on theory and keeps her text free of jargon. Instead, she writes for readers who believe they would benefit from therapy but can’t find the time or means for sit-down sessions. Each of the book’s 15 chapters introduces one of several different potential relationship hangups, and then outlines a workshop approach to dealing with each one. The big four—communication, sex, money and family—all get due attention, each with subthemes attached. Readers can dive into single topics such as “Couples and Compromise,” “Couples, Sex, and Sensation,” or focused segments on living with a “problem child,” in-laws or stepchildren. The book is sprinkled with words to live by: “Love can survive even a catastrophic loss of money. What it sometimes can’t survive are everyday hassles over money,” or “[S]hift from seeing your partner as the problem to seeing your sexual interaction as the problem.” That last phrase epitomizes Compton’s healthy approach to dealing with conflict: shift the focus from one’s partner to the issue at hand. The author, a Stanford University–trained clinician, brings a hard, professional eye to conflict management, but the book shies away from thornier issues like religion or familial abuse; some challenges are best left to in-person therapy. Occasional phrases may turn off some readers, as when she assures couples who choose not to have children that “[t]here are already too many people in this world!” But her confident, lucid writing and practical suggestions will win most readers over.

An instructive how-to book and a welcome prescription for troubled couples.

Pub Date: Oct. 25, 2012

ISBN: 978-1470056995

Page Count: 202

Publisher: CreateSpace

Review Posted Online: Jan. 9, 2013

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If the authors are serious, this is a silly, distasteful book. If they are not, it’s a brilliant satire.


The authors have created a sort of anti-Book of Virtues in this encyclopedic compendium of the ways and means of power.

Everyone wants power and everyone is in a constant duplicitous game to gain more power at the expense of others, according to Greene, a screenwriter and former editor at Esquire (Elffers, a book packager, designed the volume, with its attractive marginalia). We live today as courtiers once did in royal courts: we must appear civil while attempting to crush all those around us. This power game can be played well or poorly, and in these 48 laws culled from the history and wisdom of the world’s greatest power players are the rules that must be followed to win. These laws boil down to being as ruthless, selfish, manipulative, and deceitful as possible. Each law, however, gets its own chapter: “Conceal Your Intentions,” “Always Say Less Than Necessary,” “Pose as a Friend, Work as a Spy,” and so on. Each chapter is conveniently broken down into sections on what happened to those who transgressed or observed the particular law, the key elements in this law, and ways to defensively reverse this law when it’s used against you. Quotations in the margins amplify the lesson being taught. While compelling in the way an auto accident might be, the book is simply nonsense. Rules often contradict each other. We are told, for instance, to “be conspicuous at all cost,” then told to “behave like others.” More seriously, Greene never really defines “power,” and he merely asserts, rather than offers evidence for, the Hobbesian world of all against all in which he insists we live. The world may be like this at times, but often it isn’t. To ask why this is so would be a far more useful project.

If the authors are serious, this is a silly, distasteful book. If they are not, it’s a brilliant satire.

Pub Date: Sept. 1, 1998

ISBN: 0-670-88146-5

Page Count: 430

Publisher: Viking

Review Posted Online: May 20, 2010

Kirkus Reviews Issue: July 15, 1998

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Striking research showing the immense complexity of ordinary thought and revealing the identities of the gatekeepers in our...


A psychologist and Nobel Prize winner summarizes and synthesizes the recent decades of research on intuition and systematic thinking.

The author of several scholarly texts, Kahneman (Emeritus Psychology and Public Affairs/Princeton Univ.) now offers general readers not just the findings of psychological research but also a better understanding of how research questions arise and how scholars systematically frame and answer them. He begins with the distinction between System 1 and System 2 mental operations, the former referring to quick, automatic thought, the latter to more effortful, overt thinking. We rely heavily, writes, on System 1, resorting to the higher-energy System 2 only when we need or want to. Kahneman continually refers to System 2 as “lazy”: We don’t want to think rigorously about something. The author then explores the nuances of our two-system minds, showing how they perform in various situations. Psychological experiments have repeatedly revealed that our intuitions are generally wrong, that our assessments are based on biases and that our System 1 hates doubt and despises ambiguity. Kahneman largely avoids jargon; when he does use some (“heuristics,” for example), he argues that such terms really ought to join our everyday vocabulary. He reviews many fundamental concepts in psychology and statistics (regression to the mean, the narrative fallacy, the optimistic bias), showing how they relate to his overall concerns about how we think and why we make the decisions that we do. Some of the later chapters (dealing with risk-taking and statistics and probabilities) are denser than others (some readers may resent such demands on System 2!), but the passages that deal with the economic and political implications of the research are gripping.

Striking research showing the immense complexity of ordinary thought and revealing the identities of the gatekeepers in our minds.

Pub Date: Nov. 1, 2011

ISBN: 978-0-374-27563-1

Page Count: 512

Publisher: Farrar, Straus and Giroux

Review Posted Online: Sept. 4, 2011

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Sept. 15, 2011

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