A heartfelt manual for those seeking to understand their transgender parent.
Bryant offers advice to those with a transgender parent in this instructive guide.
There has been much discussion in the last few years about how parents should best accommodate their transgender children. But the opposite dynamic is a common one as well: children—be they kids or adults—who learn that their parents identify as transgender. Bryant went through this experience three decades ago, long before transgender awareness was widespread. At the time, Bryant was in the fifth grade, and she understandably had a lot of questions. Easy answers, however, were not forthcoming. The word transgender was not even used. “I thought I was the only person on the whole planet with a family like mine,” she writes in her introduction. “This book aims to fill a gap in conversations about the many shapes of families. I hope that reading this book will provide you with a built-in community of people like you.” When a parent transitions, it doesn’t just mean a change for them. It’s a change for the entire family. While that change should not be viewed as negative, it can often result in feelings of confusion or uncertainty for other family members, especially the trans parent’s children. By sharing stories from her own experience, as well as the experiences of people from around the world who have also gone through this process, Bryant prepares the reader for what to expect. It isn’t only a matter of getting used to a parent’s new look, new name, or new pronoun. There are logistical issues, like whether or not the parent “comes out,” possible divorces or new partners, and the realities of transphobia. There are a number of mental shifts that can occur, altering the child’s perspective of their parent, themselves, and the world. As Bryant reminds the reader early on, “It’s your transition, too.”
The book is essentially a What To Expect When You’re Expecting for those with a transitioning parent, tipping the reader off to the situations that may arise while providing them with the tools needed to navigate them. Bryant’s prose is chatty and reassuring, elucidating the ins and outs of the transition process: “If our parents don’t want to be out in the community, they might not want to connect with other families. It might be something we seek out for ourselves. Mostly, it’s about finding people who say, ‘Yeah, I’ve been there and this is how I got through.’ ” She moves frequently among the stories of several families, and the reader gets to know them over the course of the book. Each chapter ends with prompts meant to generate reflection about the reader’s own family situation. The book also includes a large glossary of transgender-related terms—a necessity for a subject where language so often reveals its limitations—and an extensive list of additional resources. Whether you are a 10-year-old like Bryant was when her father began to transition or you are an adult with children of your own trying to understand an older parent’s journey, this book provides a positive, nonjudgmental guide to all the thoughts and feelings you might be going through.
A heartfelt manual for those seeking to understand their transgender parent.Pub Date: May 21, 2020
ISBN: 978-1-78775-122-4
Page Count: 304
Publisher: Jessica Kingsley Publishers
Review Posted Online: Jan. 27, 2021
Kirkus Reviews Issue: March 15, 2021
Review Program: Kirkus Indie
The heartbreaking story of an emotionally battered child delivered with captivating candor and grace.
The former iCarly star reflects on her difficult childhood.
In her debut memoir, titled after her 2020 one-woman show, singer and actor McCurdy (b. 1992) reveals the raw details of what she describes as years of emotional abuse at the hands of her demanding, emotionally unstable stage mom, Debra. Born in Los Angeles, the author, along with three older brothers, grew up in a home controlled by her mother. When McCurdy was 3, her mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. Though she initially survived, the disease’s recurrence would ultimately take her life when the author was 21. McCurdy candidly reconstructs those in-between years, showing how “my mom emotionally, mentally, and physically abused me in ways that will forever impact me.” Insistent on molding her only daughter into “Mommy’s little actress,” Debra shuffled her to auditions beginning at age 6. As she matured and starting booking acting gigs, McCurdy remained “desperate to impress Mom,” while Debra became increasingly obsessive about her daughter’s physical appearance. She tinted her daughter’s eyelashes, whitened her teeth, enforced a tightly monitored regimen of “calorie restriction,” and performed regular genital exams on her as a teenager. Eventually, the author grew understandably resentful and tried to distance herself from her mother. As a young celebrity, however, McCurdy became vulnerable to eating disorders, alcohol addiction, self-loathing, and unstable relationships. Throughout the book, she honestly portrays Debra’s cruel perfectionist personality and abusive behavior patterns, showing a woman who could get enraged by everything from crooked eyeliner to spilled milk. At the same time, McCurdy exhibits compassion for her deeply flawed mother. Late in the book, she shares a crushing secret her father revealed to her as an adult. While McCurdy didn’t emerge from her childhood unscathed, she’s managed to spin her harrowing experience into a sold-out stage act and achieve a form of catharsis that puts her mind, body, and acting career at peace.
The heartbreaking story of an emotionally battered child delivered with captivating candor and grace.Pub Date: Aug. 9, 2022
ISBN: 978-1-982185-82-4
Page Count: 320
Publisher: Simon & Schuster
Review Posted Online: May 30, 2022
Kirkus Reviews Issue: July 1, 2022
BOOK REVIEW
SEEN & HEARD
SEEN & HEARD
SEEN & HEARD
Some of Avant’s mantras are overstated, but her book is magnanimous, inspiring, and relentlessly optimistic.
Memories and life lessons inspired by the author’s mother, who was murdered in 2021.
“Neither my mother nor I knew that her last text to me would be the words ‘Think you’ll be happy,’ ” Avant writes, "but it is fitting that she left me with a mantra for resiliency.” The author, a filmmaker and former U.S. Ambassador to the Bahamas, begins her first book on the night she learned her mother, Jacqueline Avant, had been fatally shot during a home invasion. “One of my first thoughts,” she writes, “was, ‘Oh God, please don’t let me hate this man. Give me the strength not to hate him.’ ” Daughter of Clarence Avant, known as the “Black Godfather” due to his work as a pioneering music executive, the author describes growing up “in a house that had a revolving door of famous people,” from Ella Fitzgerald to Muhammad Ali. “I don’t take for granted anything I have achieved in my life as a Black American woman,” writes Avant. “And I recognize my unique upbringing…..I was taught to honor our past and pay forward our fruits.” The book, which is occasionally repetitive, includes tributes to her mother from figures like Oprah Winfrey and Bill Clinton, but the narrative core is the author’s direct, faith-based, unwaveringly positive messages to readers—e.g., “I don’t want to carry the sadness and anger I have toward the man who did this to my mother…so I’m worshiping God amid the worst storm imaginable”; "Success and feeling good are contagious. I’m all about positive contagious vibrations!” Avant frequently quotes Bible verses, and the bulk of the text reflects the spirit of her daily prayer “that everything is in divine order.” Imploring readers to practice proactive behavior, she writes, “We have to always find the blessing, to be the blessing.”
Some of Avant’s mantras are overstated, but her book is magnanimous, inspiring, and relentlessly optimistic.Pub Date: Oct. 17, 2023
ISBN: 9780063304413
Page Count: 288
Publisher: HarperOne
Review Posted Online: Aug. 17, 2023
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Sept. 15, 2023
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