Warm encouragement for healing troubled relationships.
A road map toward a better marriage.
The Gottmans, couples therapists and founders of the Gottman Institute to research and support healthy relationships, draw on their experience studying more than 40,000 couples to offer “a bite-sized, seven-day action plan” for taking a marriage in a new direction. From their work with newly partnered same-sex couples, long-married pairs with children and grandchildren, partners overwhelmed by busy careers and young children, couples trapped in poverty, and even some experiencing “mild to moderate domestic violence, where both partners can become violent during an escalated conflict, but no injuries are inflicted and both want to change,” the authors have devised simple practices designed to teach partners how to relate to each other in productive ways. They invented their strategies, many of which are fairly obvious, in response to their clients’ problems and by observing the behavior of happy couples. “What we see in happy, thriving relationships,” they write, “is that people do genuinely admire each other for all the wonderful qualities they each possess, and when it comes to the inevitable not-so-wonderful qualities, they’re able to have compassion for each other’s enduring vulnerabilities.” They identify attitudes they call “the Four Horsemen—criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling,” which act as destructive forces. They can be overcome, however, through such practices as checking in with your partner for 10 minutes each day, expressing gratitude, giving genuine compliments, and, simply, touching. It’s also vital to express one’s needs and not expect a partner to be a mind reader: “We all have needs. We all have valid desires. But we don’t say them.” For couples who seem to be living parallel lives, roommates rather than loving partners, they recommend setting aside a weekly date night. “The ‘sex-starved marriage,’ they’ve observed, “really isn’t only about sex, fundamentally. It’s one where people have, over time, shut down all forms of openness: to sensuality, to adventure, to play and silliness, to learning together.”
Warm encouragement for healing troubled relationships.Pub Date: Sept. 27, 2022
ISBN: 978-0-143-13663-7
Page Count: 208
Publisher: Penguin Life
Review Posted Online: July 6, 2022
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Aug. 1, 2022
BOOK REVIEW
BOOK REVIEW
A straightforward tale of kindness and paying it forward in 1980s New York.
When advertising executive Schroff answered a child’s request for spare change by inviting him for lunch, she did not expect the encounter to grow into a friendship that would endure into his adulthood. The author recounts how she and Maurice, a promising boy from a drug-addicted family, learned to trust each other. Schroff acknowledges risks—including the possibility of her actions being misconstrued and the tension of crossing socio-economic divides—but does not dwell on the complexities of homelessness or the philosophical problems of altruism. She does not question whether public recognition is beneficial, or whether it is sufficient for the recipient to realize the extent of what has been done. With the assistance of People human-interest writer Tresniowski (Tiger Virtues, 2005, etc.), Schroff adheres to a personal narrative that traces her troubled relationship with her father, her meetings with Maurice and his background, all while avoiding direct parallels, noting that their childhoods differed in severity even if they shared similar emotional voids. With feel-good dramatizations, the story seldom transcends the message that reaching out makes a difference. It is framed in simple terms, from attributing the first meeting to “two people with complicated pasts and fragile dreams” that were “somehow meant to be friends” to the conclusion that love is a driving force. Admirably, Schroff notes that she did not seek a role as a “substitute parent,” and she does not judge Maurice’s mother for her lifestyle. That both main figures experience a few setbacks yet eventually survive is never in question; the story fittingly concludes with an epilogue by Maurice. For readers seeking an uplifting reminder that small gestures matter.
Pub Date: Nov. 1, 2011
ISBN: 978-1-4516-4251-3
Page Count: 288
Publisher: Howard Books/Simon & Schuster
Review Posted Online: July 26, 2011
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Sept. 1, 2011
BOOK REVIEW
Dishy, warm, and entertaining.
One of the stars of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills talks about real life.
Haitian American actor and podcast host Beauvais (b. 1966), whose TV credits include Housewives, NYPD Blue, Family Matters, and The Mentalist, makes her adult book debut (she has published several children’s books) with a disarmingly candid memoir, co-authored by Smith. Beauvais recalls growing up in a middle-class neighborhood of Port-au-Prince, surrounded by warmth, color, family, and friends. Her mother, a nurse, immigrated to the U.S. first, then brought little Garcelle to join her in Massachusetts. Although she knew no English and was the only Black child in her school, she managed to thrive. When she was 17, she was offered modeling jobs in New York City, where she reveled in newfound freedom and independence. Besides working for Eileen Ford, she finagled her way to becoming a Playboy Bunny even though she was underage. Married at 22, she soon became a mother, but by the time her son was 3, the marriage ended. Fortunately, her career took off. Modeling led to acting: In the 1990s, she appeared in Models, Inc. and The Jamie Foxx Show; many other opportunities followed. “I am a woman who is proud of her success but hasn’t completely bought into it,” writes the author, who shares many juicy backstage tidbits: A weeklong gig on The View proved dismal because of the hostile atmosphere among the women on the show; and her co-stars on Housewives could lash out viciously: “I was caught off guard by how venomous” they could be, she admits. Beauvais is forthright about personal issues, including her first husband’s immaturity; the betrayal that led to her second divorce; her “angst, fear, helplessness, and worry” about her oldest son’s emotional problems and substance abuse; her experience with in vitro fertilization (and the birth of twin sons); beauty; spirituality; the plight of Black actresses; and sex.
Dishy, warm, and entertaining.Pub Date: April 12, 2022
ISBN: 978-0-06-309958-6
Page Count: 240
Publisher: Amistad/HarperCollins
Review Posted Online: Jan. 17, 2022
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Feb. 15, 2022
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