A well-structured, encouraging book for anyone troubled by domestic violence.
A licensed mental health counselor explodes myths and offers practical advice regarding abusive relationships.
Debut author Streyffeler has a private counseling practice in Fort Myers, Florida, and has been providing therapy for 25 years. In a preface, she recalls persuading an upper-middle-class client that her husband’s behavior was indeed domestic violence: “That’s not possible!” the woman replied; she assumed that abused wives “live in trailer parks and their husbands wear ‘wifebeater shirts.’ ” Starting with this stereotype, Streyffeler systematically counters many common misconceptions about domestic violence: “Abuse is a pattern of behavior. It is not an isolated incident or event. It does not have to be physical.” Emotional and psychological violence are just as damaging, she argues. Abuse often coexists with drug and alcohol problems or mental health issues, and Streyffeler points out that abusive partners may also destroy property or use sex in a manipulative way. Much of the book is devoted to short case studies, based on fictionalized composites of Streyffeler’s clients, and the characters generally have alliterative names to make them memorable. For instance, Ishmael allows Isabel to quit work once she gets pregnant—a calculating move to cut her off from her friends. Charlie tells Charlene that if she leaves him, he’ll tell their son that “Mommy is breaking up the family.” Often, abusive situations are simply a matter of power and control, the author explains. She offers a variety of examples to ensure that many readers will find something that speaks to their own experience, and a thorough list of reasons why people stay in abusive relationships will enlighten concerned loved ones. A chapter on safety planning is particularly valuable; in it, she urges readers to keep a bag packed with important documents in case they need to leave quickly. The author ends with her own story of starting over after leaving an abusive husband—a personal stake that anchors this information-heavy work.
A well-structured, encouraging book for anyone troubled by domestic violence.Pub Date: Oct. 20, 2017
ISBN: 978-1-5043-8823-8
Page Count: 133
Publisher: BalboaPress
Review Posted Online: April 6, 2018
Kirkus Reviews Issue: June 15, 2018
Review Program: Kirkus Indie
A highly readable account of how solid research and personal testing of self-help techniques saved a couple's marriage after...
Self-help advice and personal reflections on avoiding spousal fights while raising children.
Before her daughter was born, bestselling author Dunn (Why Is My Mother Getting a Tattoo?: And Other Questions I Wish I Never Had to Ask, 2009, etc.) enjoyed steady work and a happy marriage. However, once she became a mother, there never seemed to be enough time, sleep, and especially help from her husband. Little irritations became monumental obstacles between them, which led to major battles. Consequently, they turned to expensive couples' therapy to help them regain some peace in life. In a combination of memoir and advice that can be found in most couples' therapy self-help books, Dunn provides an inside look at her own vexing issues and the solutions she and her husband used to prevent them from appearing in divorce court. They struggled with age-old battles fought between men and women—e.g., frequency of sex, who does more housework, who should get up with the child in the middle of the night, why women need to have a clean house, why men need more alone time, and many more. What Dunn learned via therapy, talks with other parents, and research was that there is no perfect solution to the many dynamics that surface once couples become parents. But by using time-tested techniques, she and her husband learned to listen, show empathy, and adjust so that their former status as a happy couple could safely and peacefully morph into a happy family. Readers familiar with Dunn's honest and humorous writing will appreciate the behind-the-scenes look at her own semi-messy family life, and those who need guidance through the rough spots can glean advice while being entertained—all without spending lots of money on couples’ therapy.
A highly readable account of how solid research and personal testing of self-help techniques saved a couple's marriage after the birth of their child.Pub Date: March 21, 2017
ISBN: 978-0-316-26710-6
Page Count: 272
Publisher: Little, Brown
Review Posted Online: Jan. 17, 2017
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Feb. 1, 2017
BOOK REVIEW
BOOK REVIEW
An intriguing approach to identifying and relating to one’s emotions.
An analysis of our emotions and the skills required to understand them.
We all have emotions, but how many of us have the vocabulary to accurately describe our experiences or to understand how our emotions affect the way we act? In this guide to help readers with their emotions, Brackett, the founding director of Yale University’s Center for Emotional Intelligence, presents a five-step method he calls R.U.L.E.R.: We need to recognize our emotions, understand what has caused them, be able to label them with precise terms and descriptions, know how to safely and effectively express them, and be able to regulate them in productive ways. The author walks readers through each step and provides an intriguing tool to use to help identify a specific emotion. Brackett introduces a four-square grid called a Mood Meter, which allows one to define where an emotion falls based on pleasantness and energy. He also uses four colors for each quadrant: yellow for high pleasantness and high energy, red for low pleasantness and high energy, green for high pleasantness and low energy, and blue for low pleasantness and low energy. The idea is to identify where an emotion lies in this grid in order to put the R.U.L.E.R. method to good use. The author’s research is wide-ranging, and his interweaving of his personal story with the data helps make the book less academic and more accessible to general readers. It’s particularly useful for parents and teachers who want to help children learn to handle difficult emotions so that they can thrive rather than be overwhelmed by them. The author’s system will also find use in the workplace. “Emotions are the most powerful force inside the workplace—as they are in every human endeavor,” writes Brackett. “They influence everything from leadership effectiveness to building and maintaining complex relationships, from innovation to customer relations.”
An intriguing approach to identifying and relating to one’s emotions.Pub Date: Sept. 3, 2019
ISBN: 978-1-250-21284-9
Page Count: 320
Publisher: Celadon Books
Review Posted Online: June 22, 2019
Kirkus Reviews Issue: July 15, 2019
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