An insider’s impassioned, worthwhile look at the impact of the secrets revealed by DNA testing.
A DNA test reveals a surprise about a woman’s parentage.
The title of this blend of memoir and self-help guide is an acronym from the world of genealogy and genetics. A “non-paternity event” describes an individual whose biological father turns out to be someone other than the person listed on the birth certificate. Hay became an NPE when a commercial DNA test revealed that her biological father was her mother’s employer, a family friend she had grown up calling Uncle Tom. (His name, like most in the book, is a pseudonym.) The discovery stunned the author, who began reaching out to her half siblings and reevaluating her childhood memories. The volume moves between Hay’s account of coming to terms with a new understanding of herself and her somewhat dysfunctional family and a broader look at unexpected paternity and how people can and should respond to it. The author shares anecdotes from other NPEs that offer a variety of perspectives as well as a glance at the historical construction of paternity and legitimacy. The book is full of advice for NPEs (do reach out to newly discovered relatives in writing rather than showing up on their doorsteps; avoid paying for expensive genealogy services while emotions are high) and their friends and families. The text is acronym-heavy—“I wrote this to convey support and offer help to an NPE regarding her BM (her BCF had passed away before her discovery)”—and could have used some editorial polishing. Still, Hay’s knowledge and enthusiasm for her subject are evident. The author is strongest in telling the story of her family and exploring the intense emotions triggered by her discovery. She describes her feelings in detail and assesses what was most helpful as she hunted for answers to her questions of identity and belonging. While other books take a more comprehensive approach to investigating commercial DNA testing and the growing number of paternity surprises, Hay’s work is best suited to serving as a guide to NPEs in search of an experienced voice of reassurance and support as they adapt to their new realities.
An insider’s impassioned, worthwhile look at the impact of the secrets revealed by DNA testing.Pub Date: Oct. 15, 2021
ISBN: 978-1-64718-608-1
Page Count: 266
Publisher: Booklocker.com
Review Posted Online: June 22, 2022
Review Program: Kirkus Indie
Perhaps not magic but appealing nonetheless.
Want to get ahead in business? Consult a dictionary.
By Wharton School professor Berger’s account, much of the art of persuasion lies in the art of choosing the right word. Want to jump ahead of others waiting in line to use a photocopy machine, even if they’re grizzled New Yorkers? Throw a because into the equation (“Excuse me, I have five pages. May I use the Xerox machine, because I’m in a rush?”), and you’re likely to get your way. Want someone to do your copying for you? Then change your verbs to nouns: not “Can you help me?” but “Can you be a helper?” As Berger notes, there’s a subtle psychological shift at play when a person becomes not a mere instrument in helping but instead acquires an identity as a helper. It’s the little things, one supposes, and the author offers some interesting strategies that eager readers will want to try out. Instead of alienating a listener with the omniscient should, as in “You should do this,” try could instead: “Well, you could…” induces all concerned “to recognize that there might be other possibilities.” Berger’s counsel that one should use abstractions contradicts his admonition to use concrete language, and it doesn’t help matters to say that each is appropriate to a particular situation, while grammarians will wince at his suggestion that a nerve-calming exercise to “try talking to yourself in the third person (‘You can do it!’)” in fact invokes the second person. Still, there are plenty of useful insights, particularly for students of advertising and public speaking. It’s intriguing to note that appeals to God are less effective in securing a loan than a simple affirmative such as “I pay all bills…on time”), and it’s helpful to keep in mind that “the right words used at the right time can have immense power.”
Perhaps not magic but appealing nonetheless.Pub Date: March 7, 2023
ISBN: 9780063204935
Page Count: 256
Publisher: Harper Business
Review Posted Online: March 23, 2023
Kirkus Reviews Issue: April 15, 2023
An intriguing but uneven family memoir and travelogue.
An author’s trip to Venice takes a distinctly Borgesian turn.
In November 2020, soccer club Venizia F.C. offered Nigerian American author Madu a writing residency as part of its plan “to turn the team into a global entity of fashion, culture, and sports.” Flying to Venice for the fellowship, he felt guilty about leaving his immigrant parents, who were shocked to learn upon moving to the U.S. years earlier that their Nigerian teaching certifications were invalid, forcing his father to work as a stocking clerk at Rite Aid to support the family. Madu’s experiences in Venice are incidental to what is primarily a story about his family, especially his strained relationship with his father, who was disappointed with many of his son’s choices. Unfortunately, the author’s seeming disinterest in Venice renders much of the narrative colorless. He says the trip across the Ponte della Libertà bridge was “magical,” but nothing he describes—the “endless water on both sides,” the nearby seagulls—is particularly remarkable. Little in the text conveys a sense of place or the unique character of his surroundings. Madu is at his best when he focuses on family dynamics and his observations that, in the largely deserted city, “I was one of the few Black people around.” He cites Borges, giving special note to the author’s “The House of Asterion,” in which the minotaur “explains his situation as a creature and as a creature within the labyrinth” of multiple mirrors. This notion leads to the Borgesian turn in the book’s second half, when, in an extended sequence, Madu imagines himself transformed into a minotaur, with “the head of a bull” and his body “larger, thicker, powerful but also cumbersome.” It’s an engaging passage, although stylistically out of keeping with much of what has come before.
An intriguing but uneven family memoir and travelogue.Pub Date: April 2, 2024
ISBN: 9781953368669
Page Count: 144
Publisher: Belt Publishing
Review Posted Online: Nov. 17, 2023
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Dec. 15, 2023
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