An ultimately uplifting memoir in which the author learns “to love my authentic self, not the image I had created.”
A blogger and essayist’s account of how he came out after discovering that hackers had used a personal photo on dating websites to lure unsuspecting women into relationships.
Dameron was in his mid-40s when he learned that cyberthieves had used a stolen selfie for a catfishing scheme that succeeded in duping women all over the world looking for love. The incident left him feeling angry and violated but also profoundly disturbed: Now the online poster child of “deceptive online dating,” it seemed the universe was also calling him into account for the lie that had become his adult life. A father of two who had married his college sweetheart, Dameron had been raised Catholic by a homophobic mother. His adolescence had been an ongoing struggle to keep his gay identity private and live like a “normal” man. No longer willing to remain in the closet but unsure of how to escape it, he sought out the company of males at the local gym and secretly experimented with steroids to build up his body. He also developed a close friendship with Enzo, a straight man at his company, that quickly developed into one-sided attraction. Jealous of her husband’s “bromance,” Dameron’s wife accidentally found his cache of steroids. After couples counseling failed to shore up their marriage, they separated, and the author began working with a therapist to help him come to terms with “the other [gay] Bill.” Seeking a foothold in the gay community, he moved in with two lesbians and began searching for a partner. In the meantime, his wife and daughters struggled to cope with the personal and social fallout that Dameron’s revelation brought into their lives. Eventually, the author crossed paths with another gay “breeder and…Daddy” who not only helped Dameron face his demons, but also became his husband. Candid and compassionate, the book celebrates truth and honors the redemptive power of forgiveness and love.
An ultimately uplifting memoir in which the author learns “to love my authentic self, not the image I had created.”Pub Date: July 1, 2019
ISBN: 978-1-5420-4474-5
Page Count: 286
Publisher: Little A
Review Posted Online: March 30, 2019
Kirkus Reviews Issue: April 15, 2019
A love story, in other words, bittersweet like all the best.
As much about Everywoman as one particular woman, French author Ernaux's autobiographical novel laconically describes the cruel realities of old age for a woman once vibrant and independent.
The narrator, a middle-aged writer, decides that the only way she can accept her mother's death is to begin "to write about my mother. She is the only woman who really meant something to me and she had been suffering from senile dementia for two years...I would also like to capture the real woman, the woman who existed independently from me, born on the outskirts of a small Normandy town, and who died in the geriatric ward of a hospital in the suburbs of Paris.'' And she proceeds to tell the story of this woman—who "preferred giving to everybody rather than taking from them,'' fiercely ambitious and anxious to better herself and her daughter—for whom she worked long hours in the small café and store the family owned. There are the inevitable differences and disputes as the daughter, better educated, rebels against the mother, but the mother makes "the greatest sacrifice of all, which was to part with me.'' The two women never entirely lose contact, however, as the daughter marries, the father dies, and both women move. Proud and self-sufficient, the mother lives alone, but then she has an accident, develops Alzheimer's, and must move to a hospital. A year after her death, the daughter, still mourning, observes, "I shall never hear the sound of her voice again—the last bond between me and the world I come from has been severed.'' Never sentimental and always restrained: a deeply affecting account of mothers and daughters, youth and age, and dreams and reality.
A love story, in other words, bittersweet like all the best.Pub Date: May 12, 1991
ISBN: 0-941423-51-4
Page Count: 112
Publisher: N/A
Review Posted Online: May 19, 2010
Kirkus Reviews Issue: March 15, 1991
This moving, potent testament might have been titled “Black Lives Matter.” Or: “An American Tragedy.”
The powerful story of a father’s past and a son’s future.
Atlantic senior writer Coates (The Beautiful Struggle: A Father, Two Sons, and an Unlikely Road to Manhood, 2008) offers this eloquent memoir as a letter to his teenage son, bearing witness to his own experiences and conveying passionate hopes for his son’s life. “I am wounded,” he writes. “I am marked by old codes, which shielded me in one world and then chained me in the next.” Coates grew up in the tough neighborhood of West Baltimore, beaten into obedience by his father. “I was a capable boy, intelligent and well-liked,” he remembers, “but powerfully afraid.” His life changed dramatically at Howard University, where his father taught and from which several siblings graduated. Howard, he writes, “had always been one of the most critical gathering posts for black people.” He calls it The Mecca, and its faculty and his fellow students expanded his horizons, helping him to understand “that the black world was its own thing, more than a photo-negative of the people who believe they are white.” Coates refers repeatedly to whites’ insistence on their exclusive racial identity; he realizes now “that nothing so essentialist as race” divides people, but rather “the actual injury done by people intent on naming us, intent on believing that what they have named matters more than anything we could ever actually do.” After he married, the author’s world widened again in New York, and later in Paris, where he finally felt extricated from white America’s exploitative, consumerist dreams. He came to understand that “race” does not fully explain “the breach between the world and me,” yet race exerts a crucial force, and young blacks like his son are vulnerable and endangered by “majoritarian bandits.” Coates desperately wants his son to be able to live “apart from fear—even apart from me.”
This moving, potent testament might have been titled “Black Lives Matter.” Or: “An American Tragedy.”Pub Date: July 8, 2015
ISBN: 978-0-8129-9354-7
Page Count: 176
Publisher: Spiegel & Grau
Review Posted Online: May 5, 2015
Kirkus Reviews Issue: July 1, 2015
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