IF I UNDERSTOOD YOU, WOULD I HAVE THIS LOOK ON MY FACE?

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IF I UNDERSTOOD YOU, WOULD I HAVE THIS LOOK ON MY FACE?

Name: IF I UNDERSTOOD YOU, WOULD I HAVE THIS LOOK ON MY FACE?
Author: Alan Alda
ISBN: 978-0-8129-8914-4

MY ADVENTURES IN THE ART AND SCIENCE OF RELATING AND COMMUNICATING

by Alan Alda ‧ RELEASE DATE: June 6, 2017

A sharp and informative guide to communication.

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A distinguished actor and communication expert shows how to avoid “the snags of misunderstanding” that plague verbal interactions between human beings.

When Alda (Things I Overhead While Talking to Myself, 2007, etc.) first began hosting the PBS series Scientific American Frontiers in 1993, he had no idea how much the job would change his life. In the 20 years that followed, he developed an enduring fascination with “trying to figure out what makes communication work.” As a TV show host who interviewed scientists and engineers, Alda became painfully aware of his own shortcomings as a communicator and how his background as an actor could help him improve. In the first section of the book, he discusses how effective communication requires listening with ears, eyes, and feelings wide open. Drawing from research, interactions with science professionals, and his work as an actor, Alda reveals how individuals who aren’t “naturally good” communicators can learn to become more adept by practicing their overall relating skills. He describes activities like the “mirror exercise,” in which partners observe and mimic each other’s actions and speech. Not only do people learn how to focus on each other, but they also “strengthen cohesion and promote cooperation” in groups. In the second section, Alda, who founded the Alan Alda Center for Communicating Science at Stony Brook University, points out the importance of empathy in communication. He discusses, among others, an exercise that forced him to name the feelings he saw others express. Raising awareness of emotion increases empathy levels, which can trigger the release of oxytocin, the feel-good “love hormone.” By adding emotion to communication, using storytelling, avoiding jargon, and eliminating the assumption that others share the same knowledge base, message senders can forge closer bonds with recipients. The book’s major strength comes from Alda’s choice to take an interprofessional approach and avoid offering prescriptive methods to enhance interpersonal understanding. As he writes, communication “is a dance we learn by trusting ourselves to take the leap, not by mechanically following a set of rules.”

A sharp and informative guide to communication.

Pub Date: June 6, 2017

ISBN: 978-0-8129-8914-4

Page Count: 224

Publisher: Random House

Review Posted Online: March 14, 2017

Kirkus Reviews Issue: April 1, 2017

Categories:

PSYCHOLOGY

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NEARER TO THE HEART'S DESIRE

TALES OF PSYCHOTHERAPY

by George Weinberg ‧ RELEASE DATE: Sept. 1, 1992

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Another warm and humane collection of narratives, eight in all, derived from psychoanalyst Weinberg's Manhattan practice. Like a compassionate detective, Weinberg (The Taboo Scarf, 1990, etc.) approaches his patients with dedication and sympathy, finding the psychological clues and understanding necessary to give each the benefit of the doubt—even when the case involves a self- absorbed ``nonentity'' fixated on strangling his nine-year-old niece so as to remove her as competition for his brother's affections. A colorful, classy cast of characters emerges, among them a fellow analyst whom Weinberg meets at an exclusive backgammon club and whom he observes undergoing a dreadful transformation in his gambling habits when his professional reputation is ruined. While each story unfolds according to formula, with a problem stated and examined step by step until its causes are known, the individuals and their situations are sufficiently varied to prevent tedium. Twins with opposite personalities are found to have grown apart over a childhood incident involving their ne'er-do-well father; an elderly woman basking in memories of her youthful tennis victories is persuaded to put aside the racket she carries with her everywhere; and, in the oddest tale of all, a rising young stand-up comic stops hearing voices when her dental work is altered so that her mouth no longer functions as a primitive radio. Not every case ends so well, but Weinberg's abiding concern for his patients is pervasive. Vivid, enlightening, and sure to charm anyone curious about our fragile human vessels and those who try to keep them afloat.

Pub Date: Sept. 1, 1992

ISBN: 0-8021-1471-7

Page Count: 250

Publisher: Grove

Review Posted Online: May 19, 2010

Kirkus Reviews Issue: July 15, 1992

Categories:

PSYCHOLOGY

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ORDINARY GRACE

AN EXAMINATION OF THE ROOTS OF COMPASSION, ALTRUISM AND EMPATHY, AND THE ORDINARY INDIVIDUALS WHO HELP OTHERS IN EXTRAORDINARY WAYS

by Kathleen A. Brehony ‧ RELEASE DATE: March 8, 1999

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A heartening inquiry into why ordinary folks routinely go the second mile for others, by clinical psychologist Brehony (Awakening at Midlife: Realizing Your Potential for Growth and Change, 1996). What causes altruism in some people? Is it nature or nurture? The author makes a strong case for nature here, drawing from research on newborns and primates to argue for an innate, biologically based compassion. Such instincts are either reinforced or quelled by life experiences, though Brehony says that in some people, even truly horrifying childhood traumas only intensify the impulse to be kind to others. The quiet strength of this book lies in its storytelling, as Brehony draws upon field research, follows up on media stories, or even employs members of her own family to demonstrate that people can and do carry out tremendously empathic actions every day. We meet a New Jersey couple who have adopted four HIV-positive Romanian orphans, and a doctor who sacrifices all of his free time to procuring computers so that terminally ill children can communicate with one another in cyberspace. Brehony devotes a whole chapter to organ donation, describing incidents with both deceased and living donors (in two instances, people felt moved to donate a kidney to a casual friend). Another chapter explores how a couple who lost their child to a degenerative illness raised tens of thousands of dollars to design and build a “wheelchair-friendly” playground where all kids can play together, regardless of physical ability. Brehony writes that those who exhibit this kind of “ordinary grace” classically show an optimism about the fundamental goodness of humanity (“Anyone would do what I did”), as well as a conviction that they are the ones who have been blessed by the giving. A restorative tonic, more than mere chicken soup for the soul—because it may well inspire readers to go out and do something good for somebody.