Established Roiphe admirers will add this to their collections; those exploring the complexities of marriage will find an...
An extended reflection on the rewards of marriage from the author of Fruitful (1996), itself an eloquent polemic in defense of bearing and raising children.
The essential message here is that marriage is hard but worth the work. The summary may seem pat, but the discussion is not. As befits the author of a feminist classic (Up the Sandbox, 1970), Roiphe pokes at all sides of the marriage bed. Why, she asks, considering current sexual freedoms, greater economic opportunities for women, and the high divorce rate, would people today want to enter what is still viewed as a lifelong commitment? Because, she believes, a gratifying marriage “assuages our loneliness” and tempers the sharp edges of character without distorting individual essence. “Twoness” matters. In addition, marriage creates a workable framework in which to have children, clearly the most significant experience in the author’s life. Roiphe is not against divorce, which ended her own first marriage, praising it as a release “from what Milton has called the ‘God forbidden loneliness’ of marital unhappiness.” Arranged marriages also receive measured approval; the author beams on fictional Bridget Jones’s ultimate choice of the man Bridget’s mother had in mind all the time. (It seems hardly coincidental that Roiphe had three unmarried daughters when she wrote this book.) Living together is problematic, she concludes, because of the emotional injuries that lie in store when a couple breaks up. However, Roiphe doesn’t neglect the pitfalls of marriage: the danger of merging into your mate, boredom (sexual and otherwise), tensions caused by children, midlife crises, the minefield of expanded families—all are given due thought. Unfortunately, her provocative deliberations are undermined by a rambling style punctuated by occasionally inexplicable references, such as one to Louisa May Alcott’s husband. (Alcott never married.)
Established Roiphe admirers will add this to their collections; those exploring the complexities of marriage will find an idiosyncratic expression of familiar views.Pub Date: May 14, 2002
ISBN: 0-465-07066-3
Page Count: 288
Publisher: Basic Books
Review Posted Online: May 19, 2010
Kirkus Reviews Issue: March 15, 2002
An intriguing approach to identifying and relating to one’s emotions.
An analysis of our emotions and the skills required to understand them.
We all have emotions, but how many of us have the vocabulary to accurately describe our experiences or to understand how our emotions affect the way we act? In this guide to help readers with their emotions, Brackett, the founding director of Yale University’s Center for Emotional Intelligence, presents a five-step method he calls R.U.L.E.R.: We need to recognize our emotions, understand what has caused them, be able to label them with precise terms and descriptions, know how to safely and effectively express them, and be able to regulate them in productive ways. The author walks readers through each step and provides an intriguing tool to use to help identify a specific emotion. Brackett introduces a four-square grid called a Mood Meter, which allows one to define where an emotion falls based on pleasantness and energy. He also uses four colors for each quadrant: yellow for high pleasantness and high energy, red for low pleasantness and high energy, green for high pleasantness and low energy, and blue for low pleasantness and low energy. The idea is to identify where an emotion lies in this grid in order to put the R.U.L.E.R. method to good use. The author’s research is wide-ranging, and his interweaving of his personal story with the data helps make the book less academic and more accessible to general readers. It’s particularly useful for parents and teachers who want to help children learn to handle difficult emotions so that they can thrive rather than be overwhelmed by them. The author’s system will also find use in the workplace. “Emotions are the most powerful force inside the workplace—as they are in every human endeavor,” writes Brackett. “They influence everything from leadership effectiveness to building and maintaining complex relationships, from innovation to customer relations.”
An intriguing approach to identifying and relating to one’s emotions.Pub Date: Sept. 3, 2019
ISBN: 978-1-250-21284-9
Page Count: 320
Publisher: Celadon Books
Review Posted Online: June 22, 2019
Kirkus Reviews Issue: July 15, 2019
A vivid sequel that strains credulity.
Fremont (After Long Silence, 1999) continues—and alters—her story of how memories of the Holocaust affected her family.
At the age of 44, the author learned that her father had disowned her, declaring her “predeceased”—or dead in his eyes—in his will. It was his final insult: Her parents had stopped speaking to her after she’d published After Long Silence, which exposed them as Jewish Holocaust survivors who had posed as Catholics in Europe and America in order to hide multilayered secrets. Here, Fremont delves further into her tortured family dynamics and shows how the rift developed. One thread centers on her life after her harrowing childhood: her education at Wellesley and Boston University, the loss of her virginity to a college boyfriend before accepting her lesbianism, her stint with the Peace Corps in Lesotho, and her decades of work as a lawyer in Boston. Another strand involves her fraught relationship with her sister, Lara, and how their difficulties relate to their father, a doctor embittered after years in the Siberian gulag; and their mother, deeply enmeshed with her own sister, Zosia, who had married an Italian count and stayed in Rome to raise a child. Fremont tells these stories with novelistic flair, ending with a surprising theory about why her parents hid their Judaism. Yet she often appears insensitive to the serious problems she says Lara once faced, including suicidal depression. “The whole point of suicide, I thought, was to succeed at it,” she writes. “My sister’s completion rate was pathetic.” Key facts also differ from those in her earlier work. After Long Silence says, for example, that the author grew up “in a small city in the Midwest” while she writes here that she grew up in “upstate New York,” changes Fremont says she made for “consistency” in the new book but that muddy its narrative waters. The discrepancies may not bother readers seeking psychological insights rather than factual accuracy, but others will wonder if this book should have been labeled a fictionalized autobiography rather than a memoir.
A vivid sequel that strains credulity.Pub Date: Feb. 11, 2020
ISBN: 978-1-982113-60-5
Page Count: 352
Publisher: Gallery Books/Simon & Schuster
Review Posted Online: Oct. 20, 2019
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Nov. 15, 2019
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