A succinct portrait of the nature of submission and one woman discovering herself in marriage and beyond.
In this candid, objective memoir of a codependent marriage, the author takes readers on a painful yet poignant journey from a failing marriage toward independence.
Moore demonstrates finesse in choosing anecdotes that portray the dysfunction of a poorly communicated union of desires and life paths. Married to Carl, Moore found herself embarking on sexual escapades with other couples in order to meet her restless husband’s insatiable desires. But, discomforted by Carl’s mounting need to control, experience and dominate Moore’s reluctant involvement with other male partners, the author began to resist her husband, only to be met with ridicule. Instances of his disgust and resentment painfully resonate, such as his insistence that Moore’s nightgown is a “bag” and telling her that she doesn’t dress sexily enough, enjoy enough alcohol or provide him with the satisfaction he seeks. In her frank memoir, Moore confronts her own rigid expectations of fidelity and marital intimacy, citing an instance of outrage upon discovering that Carl was viewing pornographic pictures on the couple’s computer. In a sense, however, the objective storytelling reveals that each partner presented obstacles to the other’s happiness. One partner sought monogamy, stability, religion and purity; the other sought openness, excitement and growing connections with other adults. Some readers might even relate to Carl. While neither partner comes across as guilty of gross abuse, both are portrayed as unable or unwilling to actively listen and understand the other’s desires. Moore paints a clear portrait of the way submission is driven by the desire for control. At a poignant moment in the memoir, Moore even admits that she suddenly recognized her own attempts to control Carl, having believed all along that he was the controlling partner. In retrospect, submission becomes a kind of conscious power play, and the unwillingness to express desire becomes just as detrimental to a relationship as the harshly honest admission of dissatisfaction. In a welcome conclusion, the memoir ends with an insightful, hopeful resolution that will speak to any reader who has endured a conflict-ridden relationship. Perhaps the author puts it best in quoting an unnamed priest: “Go where you are nourished.”
A succinct portrait of the nature of submission and one woman discovering herself in marriage and beyond.Pub Date: Nov. 20, 2012
ISBN: 978-1452560199
Page Count: 86
Publisher: BalboaPress
Review Posted Online: Sept. 12, 2013
Review Program: Kirkus Indie
BOOK REVIEW
An intriguing examination of the complexity of female power in a variety of relationships.
A collection of personal journal entries from the feminist writer that explores power dynamics and “a subject [she] kept coming back to: women strong in public, weak in private.”
Cultural critic and essayist Roiphe (Cultural Reporting and Criticism/New York Univ.; The Violet Hour: Great Writers at the End, 2016, etc.), perhaps best known for the views she expressed on victimization in The Morning After: Sex, Fear, and Feminism (1994), is used to being at the center of controversy. In her latest work, the author uses her personal journals to examine the contradictions that often exist between the public and private lives of women, including her own. At first, the fragmented notebook entries seem overly scattered, but they soon evolve into a cohesive analysis of the complex power dynamics facing women on a daily basis. As Roiphe shares details from her own life, she weaves in quotes from the writings of other seemingly powerful female writers who had similar experiences, including Sylvia Plath, Simone de Beauvoir, Virginia Woolf, and Hillary Clinton. In one entry, Roiphe theorizes that her early published writings were an attempt to “control and tame the narrative,” further explaining that she has “so long and so passionately resisted the victim role” because she does not view herself as “purely a victim” and not “purely powerless.” However, she adds, that does not mean she “was not facing a man who was twisting or distorting his power; it does not mean that the wrongness, the overwhelmed feeling was not there.” Throughout the book, the author probes the question of why women so often subjugate their power in their private lives, but she never quite finds a satisfying answer. The final entry, however, answers the question of why she chose to share these personal journal entries with the public: “To be so exposed feels dangerous, but having done it, I also feel free.”
An intriguing examination of the complexity of female power in a variety of relationships.Pub Date: March 3, 2020
ISBN: 978-1-9821-2801-2
Page Count: 256
Publisher: Free Press
Review Posted Online: Dec. 21, 2019
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Jan. 15, 2020
Hard-edged, tough-minded, and unabashedly opinionated, but a refreshingly frank record of a controversial life.
From African-American economist and author Sowell, a forthright memoir of growing up the hard way in Harlem—without a father, but with an admirable refusal to compromise one’s principles.
As a grown man, Sowell can now discern helpful guideposts (that would later determine his success) in what was an often frightening and uncertain childhood. He is grateful that he left the South too young to be subjected to its pervasive racism, that he was in public school when its education was still excellent, and that he became a professor before affirmative action called into question many black accomplishments. Born in 1929 in North Carolina, he never knew his own father and was adopted soon after his birth by an aunt. He left the South after an idyllic childhood and moved to Harlem with his mother and two older sisters in 1939. There he entered the local public school, and was soon an outstanding, as well as an outspoken, student. The family was proud of his accomplishments, but when he was accepted at the prestigious Stuyvesant High School, they objected to the hours he spent studying instead of earning money, and he had to drop out. Drafted into the Marines during the Korean War, he took advantage of the GI bill to finish high school, as well as attend college, graduating from Harvard. The following years—spent teaching at colleges like Cornell or working in Washington while he finished his dissertation—were often rocky. And he describes his run-ins with obstructive bureaucrats, careerist academics, and bigoted racists, encounters sometimes exacerbated by his often-unpopular political opinions. Though Sowell writes movingly of his son who was a late talker, this is not a personal memoir, but rather an account of a philosophical and professional evolution shaped by a lifetime of challenging experiences.
Hard-edged, tough-minded, and unabashedly opinionated, but a refreshingly frank record of a controversial life.Pub Date: Sept. 21, 2000
ISBN: 0-684-86464-9
Page Count: 320
Publisher: Free Press
Review Posted Online: May 19, 2010
Kirkus Reviews Issue: July 15, 2000
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