What’s missing in this Saturday morning cartoon of a book is a story that makes sense and a big, funny dog named Scooby to...
Maines (Bulletproof Mascara, 2010) strikes a familiar chord in this flimsy tale about an undercover cosmetic-company spy and the rock star she’s trying to protect.
Nikki Lanier is a redheaded whirlwind: She’s beautiful, quick-witted, a deadly martial artist who slips effortlessly into a size two without holding in her stomach. Nikki isn’t simply perfect, though, she’s part of Carrie Mae, a Mary Kay–like cosmetics company with a top-secret spy division that dispatches its secret and highly trained operatives across the world in the cause of justice for oppressed women. This time, fresh off a break-up with her CIA boyfriend, Nikki, speaker of six languages and possessing an Olympics firearms capability, steps right into the Paris leg of Kit Masters rock tour. The evil Cano, who killed Kit’s father many years ago, is also targeting Kit, the son of another Carrie Mae agent. Kit’s mom, Camille, a Brit with a grudge, would do anything to get Nikki off her son’s case, but Nikki sticks with Kit. She saves his life several times (unfortunately for the bad guys she only shoots dead center, even on the run), while racing against time to figure out who on his team could be in league with Cano. Set against the backdrop of Paris, the writer has a way with a quick line, but the plot wanders in silly circles, and most of the action seems jammed into the story just to show how incredibly efficient, smart and awesome the heroine is in comparison to everyone else. The writing, though pleasant enough, is littered with conversations in which the characters snort, sparkle, blush, laugh, smirk, whine and fall prey to many annoying adverbs along the way. By the end, Nikki has, with the help of a cartoonish group of Carrie Mae buddies, almost single-handedly resolved the issue without breaking a nail.
What’s missing in this Saturday morning cartoon of a book is a story that makes sense and a big, funny dog named Scooby to give the readers some reason to care if the good guys win.Pub Date: April 26, 2011
ISBN: 978-0-7432-9279-5
Page Count: 384
Publisher: Atria
Review Posted Online: Jan. 8, 2011
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Jan. 15, 2011
BOOK REVIEW
Forget about solving all these crimes; the signal triumph here is (spoiler) the heroine’s survival.
Another sweltering month in Charlotte, another boatload of mysteries past and present for overworked, overstressed forensic anthropologist Temperance Brennan.
A week after the night she chases but fails to catch a mysterious trespasser outside her town house, some unknown party texts Tempe four images of a corpse that looks as if it’s been chewed by wild hogs, because it has been. Showboat Medical Examiner Margot Heavner makes it clear that, breaking with her department’s earlier practice (The Bone Collection, 2016, etc.), she has no intention of calling in Tempe as a consultant and promptly identifies the faceless body herself as that of a young Asian man. Nettled by several errors in Heavner’s analysis, and even more by her willingness to share the gory details at a press conference, Tempe launches her own investigation, which is not so much off the books as against the books. Heavner isn’t exactly mollified when Tempe, aided by retired police detective Skinny Slidell and a host of experts, puts a name to the dead man. But the hints of other crimes Tempe’s identification uncovers, particularly crimes against children, spur her on to redouble her efforts despite the new M.E.’s splenetic outbursts. Before he died, it seems, Felix Vodyanov was linked to a passenger ferry that sank in 1994, an even earlier U.S. government project to research biological agents that could control human behavior, the hinky spiritual retreat Sparkling Waters, the dark web site DeepUnder, and the disappearances of at least four schoolchildren, two of whom have also turned up dead. And why on earth was Vodyanov carrying Tempe’s own contact information? The mounting evidence of ever more and ever worse skulduggery will pull Tempe deeper and deeper down what even she sees as a rabbit hole before she confronts a ringleader implicated in “Drugs. Fraud. Breaking and entering. Arson. Kidnapping. How does attempted murder sound?”
Forget about solving all these crimes; the signal triumph here is (spoiler) the heroine’s survival.Pub Date: March 17, 2020
ISBN: 978-1-9821-3888-2
Page Count: 352
Publisher: Scribner
Review Posted Online: Dec. 22, 2019
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Jan. 15, 2020
Irritatingly trite woman-in-periler from lawyer-turned-novelist Baldacci. Moving away from the White House and the white-shoe Washington law firms of his previous bestsellers (Absolute Power, 1996; Total Control, 1997), Baldacci comes up with LuAnn Tyler, a spunky, impossibly beautiful, white-trash truck stop waitress with a no-good husband and a terminally cute infant daughter in tow. Some months after the birth of Lisa, LuAnn gets a phone call summoning her to a make-shift office in an unrented storefront of the local shopping mall. There, she gets a Faustian offer from a Mr. Jackson, a monomaniacal, cross-dressing manipulator who apparently knows the winning numbers in the national lottery before the numbers are drawn. It seems that LuAnn fits the media profile of what a lottery winner should be—poor, undereducated but proud—and if she's willing to buy the right ticket at the right time and transfer most of her winnings to Jackson, she'll be able to retire in luxury. Jackson fails to inform her, however, that if she refuses his offer, he'll have her killed. Before that can happen, as luck would have it, LuAnn barely escapes death when one of husband Duane's drug deals goes bad. She hops on a first-class Amtrak sleeper to Manhattan with a hired executioner in pursuit. But executioner Charlie, one of Jackson's paid handlers, can't help but hear wedding bells when he sees LuAnn cooing with her daughter. Alas, a winning $100- million lottery drawing complicates things. Jackson spirits LuAnn and Lisa away to Sweden, with Charlie in pursuit. Never fear. Not only will LuAnn escape a series of increasingly violent predicaments, but she'll also outwit Jackson, pay an enormous tax bill to the IRS, and have enough left over to honeymoon in Switzerland. Too preposterous to work as feminine wish-fulfillment, too formulaic to be suspenseful. (Book-of-the-Month Club main selection)
Pub Date: Dec. 2, 1997
ISBN: 0-446-52259-7
Page Count: 528
Publisher: N/A
Review Posted Online: May 19, 2010
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Oct. 15, 1997
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