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I’M SAYING NO!

A useful guide to combating sexual violence and raising women’s self-esteem.

A self-help book about challenging rape culture, aimed primarily at women who’ve faced sexual assault or harassment in the past.

Engel’s (It Wasn’t Your Fault, 2015, etc.) latest self-help book again draws on her work as a psychotherapist. Here, she strives to teach women how to say “no,” particularly when faced with possible sexual misconduct or abuse. Each chapter includes exercises to help readers to better comprehend their behaviors and emotions, and to practice saying “no” in a variety of contexts. Real-life anecdotes from Engel’s clients add color and provide specific examples, and appendices provide recommendations for further reading and information on women’s rights organizations. Engel’s tone is chatty and empowering as she reminds victims that they can move past an assault, and as she encourages all women to become comfortable at expressing anger. She effectively acknowledges that prevention should not be a victim’s responsibility; that said, the tone of her cautioning sometimes borders on finger-wagging (“Fraternity parties and parties made up of football players are particularly dangerous places for young women”; “Never be alone in a room with a man you don’t know”). However, the book does a good job of presenting strategies to develop self-awareness, recognize potential threats, and get out of problematic situations. Engel’s approach won’t appeal to everyone; her characterization of the penis as a weapon, for instance, may raise eyebrows, and the book’s tendency to generalize about entire cultures (“The Balinese people are noted for several things”; “Latinas often accept their situations with resignation”) seems tone-deaf. On the whole, though, this is a collection of well-organized, practical information for its target readership.

A useful guide to combating sexual violence and raising women’s self-esteem.

Pub Date: April 2, 2019

ISBN: 978-1-63152-525-4

Page Count: 256

Publisher: She Writes Press

Review Posted Online: Jan. 31, 2019

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THE LAWS OF HUMAN NATURE

The Stoics did much better with the much shorter Enchiridion.

A follow-on to the author’s garbled but popular 48 Laws of Power, promising that readers will learn how to win friends and influence people, to say nothing of outfoxing all those “toxic types” out in the world.

Greene (Mastery, 2012, etc.) begins with a big sell, averring that his book “is designed to immerse you in all aspects of human behavior and illuminate its root causes.” To gauge by this fat compendium, human behavior is mostly rotten, a presumption that fits with the author’s neo-Machiavellian program of self-validation and eventual strategic supremacy. The author works to formula: First, state a “law,” such as “confront your dark side” or “know your limits,” the latter of which seems pale compared to the Delphic oracle’s “nothing in excess.” Next, elaborate on that law with what might seem to be as plain as day: “Losing contact with reality, we make irrational decisions. That is why our success often does not last.” One imagines there might be other reasons for the evanescence of glory, but there you go. Finally, spin out a long tutelary yarn, seemingly the longer the better, to shore up the truism—in this case, the cometary rise and fall of one-time Disney CEO Michael Eisner, with the warning, “his fate could easily be yours, albeit most likely on a smaller scale,” which ranks right up there with the fortuneteller’s “I sense that someone you know has died" in orders of probability. It’s enough to inspire a new law: Beware of those who spend too much time telling you what you already know, even when it’s dressed up in fresh-sounding terms. “Continually mix the visceral with the analytic” is the language of a consultant’s report, more important-sounding than “go with your gut but use your head, too.”

The Stoics did much better with the much shorter Enchiridion.

Pub Date: Oct. 23, 2018

ISBN: 978-0-525-42814-5

Page Count: 580

Publisher: Viking

Review Posted Online: July 30, 2018

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Aug. 15, 2018

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HOW NOT TO HATE YOUR HUSBAND AFTER KIDS

A highly readable account of how solid research and personal testing of self-help techniques saved a couple's marriage after...

Self-help advice and personal reflections on avoiding spousal fights while raising children.

Before her daughter was born, bestselling author Dunn (Why Is My Mother Getting a Tattoo?: And Other Questions I Wish I Never Had to Ask, 2009, etc.) enjoyed steady work and a happy marriage. However, once she became a mother, there never seemed to be enough time, sleep, and especially help from her husband. Little irritations became monumental obstacles between them, which led to major battles. Consequently, they turned to expensive couples' therapy to help them regain some peace in life. In a combination of memoir and advice that can be found in most couples' therapy self-help books, Dunn provides an inside look at her own vexing issues and the solutions she and her husband used to prevent them from appearing in divorce court. They struggled with age-old battles fought between men and women—e.g., frequency of sex, who does more housework, who should get up with the child in the middle of the night, why women need to have a clean house, why men need more alone time, and many more. What Dunn learned via therapy, talks with other parents, and research was that there is no perfect solution to the many dynamics that surface once couples become parents. But by using time-tested techniques, she and her husband learned to listen, show empathy, and adjust so that their former status as a happy couple could safely and peacefully morph into a happy family. Readers familiar with Dunn's honest and humorous writing will appreciate the behind-the-scenes look at her own semi-messy family life, and those who need guidance through the rough spots can glean advice while being entertained—all without spending lots of money on couples’ therapy.

A highly readable account of how solid research and personal testing of self-help techniques saved a couple's marriage after the birth of their child.

Pub Date: March 21, 2017

ISBN: 978-0-316-26710-6

Page Count: 272

Publisher: Little, Brown

Review Posted Online: Jan. 17, 2017

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Feb. 1, 2017

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